


Heavy Stone

by BridgeFromTV



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alternate Universe, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Original Character(s), Other, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Self-Indulgent, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, cheating I guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6052381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgeFromTV/pseuds/BridgeFromTV
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Indefinite Hiatus. </p><p>AU in which the Sanzo-Ikkan is plucked from Shangri-La, dumped into a house, given the run-around, and then put back into Shangri-La with an additional lust demon and also a chimera that sounds like Markiplier.</p><p>(Read: Set during whenever the fuck I want, this self-indulgent piece of garbage follows a complete self-insert in her journey to Shangri-La and angsty love bullstuff because I love myself and deserve to write whatever I want. I promise it's fun to read though.)</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Htnt2ssAOo</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bitten By The Wind

Winter break usually carried with it a bitterness that most people couldn’t feel. It wrapped itself down deep in Chel’s heart as she packed her car to go home. She was glad for the month-long break from school, of course, but the familiar bitterness held fast. Not even the promise of her best friend’s company could turn her mood around. 

“Hey Chellie! Ready to go?” Malory came clacking down the sidewalk, wheeling a suitcase behind her. In her other arm was a yellow duffle bag and a pillow. As usual, her friend packed to the teeth. Luckily, the little car had plenty of space.

“Almost,” Chel replied, opening the trunk of the car for Malory’s luggage. They exchanged a few words, mostly about being relieved that the semester was finally over. She tried to keep the happy façade up, for Malory’s sake. Spoiling her friend’s break was the last thing she wanted.

“I almost died trying to study for finals,” she said, putting on a sorrowful expression. Malory mimicked her, poking out her bottom lip.

“Maybe if you actually went to class, you wouldn’t have to rely on acing the exams to pass, ever think of that one?” She heaved her suitcase into the trunk with an exaggerated grunt and placed her pillow between it and Chel’s smaller suitcase.

Chel huffed, rolling her eyes. This again. Malory tried to keep her motivated, but her efforts often fell flat. She’d finally changed to tactics that semi-worked, like staying in to study instead of going to parties on the weeknights. Luckily, most of their classes this semester hadn’t been attendance-based.

“Ready to get this show on the road?” Chel asked, slamming the trunk shut and opening the driver’s door. She wasn’t exactly anxious to get home, but it was better than standing around in the cold, and she was more than ready to have done with the drive. Malory hopped into the passenger seat, placing her canvas bag in the floor near her feet. Chel started the engine and backed out of the spot, leaving the parking lot and the school behind them.

The six-hour trip remained subdued and uneventful, though Chel would be lying if she said she didn’t prefer it that way. Malory, through years of practice, had figured out exactly how to deal with her friend. Her expertise was noted and greatly appreciated. Occasionally, they chatted to pass the time, and when they got closer to their hometown, they started listening to the radio. They tried to keep their stops to a minimum, but even though they had left well before noon, they didn’t arrive at Malory’s house until after 7 p.m.

“Thanks for driving me,” Malory said as she got out of the car. She kept talking as she walked around the back of the car and pulled her suitcase out of the trunk, though Chel couldn’t hear a word. Finally, she came back around to the passenger door.

“Text me when you get home, okay? If you need anything, just let me know. You’re always welcome to come spend the night. My mom will want to cook you dinner.” She half-smiled, her voice laced with sympathy. Chel waved her off.

“It’ll be good, don’t worry,” she replied, smiling. Malory worried plenty enough for both of them, Chel didn’t need to add more anxiety. They said their goodbyes and Chel waited until Malory’s mom answered the door before backing out of the driveway and heading home.

Winter nights started so early, so even though it was only a fifteen minute drive from Malory’s home, it was dark by the time Chel pulled into the driveway. The big house was pitch black. _Surprise, surprise._ She parked and pulled her bag from the trunk, fumbling in the dark for her keys. When she entered the front door, only the chirp of the alarm system greeted her. She punched in the four-digit code and threw the deadbolt.

Firstly, she went around and turned on all the lights. Her heart raced a little bit every time she reached through the dark for a switch, and she exhaled thankfully every time the light revealed a room containing only furniture. After she made her rounds, certain that she was alone, she went into the kitchen. Underneath a Hello Kitty magnet on the fridge was a little paper. She jerked it out from under the magnet, rolling her eyes at the content. It was from her mother.

“Sorry we missed you. Have a good break,” she intoned sarcastically. She hadn’t expected differently. Ever since she had come out, her parents were distant. When she had left for college, they had begun taking trips overseas and cruises during breaks, so they didn’t have to see her. As far as Chel was concerned, good riddance.

She put her bag down in her room, which was the smallest of the three bedrooms. After she texted Malory to say that she was home safely, she grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top, then went into the bathroom for a bath.

While bathing, she toyed with the idea of sinking underwater and taking a big breath. After a moment, once the water had begun to sting her eyes, she dismissed the idea. Malory would be the first to find her body and she couldn’t do that to her. Instead, she watched the water cyclone down the drain, her forehead pressed against the lip of the tub.

She played music on her phone while getting dried off and dressed. She wrung her hair with a towel, looking disdainfully at it. The shaved side was getting too long. She usually kept it very closely shaved, in stark contrast with the rest of her hair, which was very long and dyed pink. Shrugging it off, she braided it into one big braid and got dressed. The clock in her room read 8:32 p.m. and, given she had nothing else to do tonight, she dug through her bag for a small case of pills. Selecting one that might help her sleep, she padded barefoot into the kitchen for a glass of orange juice to wash the pill down.

Suddenly, there was a loud _thud!_ from the bedroom. Thinking that something fell down, she set the pill on the counter and went to see what it was. As she got closer to the room, she could hear movement, and a groan. _What the fu-._

A gasp caught in her throat, choking her. In her bedroom, four men were in a heap on the floor, struggling to untangle themselves. Immediately, she glanced to the unbroken and locked window.

“Jesus,” she said, eyes wide and locked onto the men. One had struggled to his feet and another had pushed one of them off of his legs. Their raised voices gave way to full-blown shouting, except for one, who stayed silent on the floor. 

Somehow, Chel got her wits about her and turned to bolt. Maybe she’d reach the front door before anyone could get to her. She’d taken about two steps before one of the men called out, and then another two steps before she felt something grab her wrist. It was too slow, and only managed to knock her off-balance, but it was enough. Caught off guard and twisted around, she tripped over herself and heard her head hit the wooden floor with a sickening _Crack!_

 

Not a moment later, Chel came too. Immediately, she noticed two things; one, her hands were pinned to her side, and two, she had a splitting headache. Her vision cleared and she realized that there were men on either side of her. She fought against their grip, yelling at them to let her go. They were strong.

“We won’t hurt you.”

“Like hell,” she snarled, kicking out toward one of them. It was then, looking around at the two that held her in place and the two that sat near her head, that she realized what bizarre clothes they were wearing. One of them loomed over her, staring down at her with eyes that were, _well fuck, they’re red._

One of them pushed the red-eyed man away and replaced him. This one had one eye obscured by a monocle. He smiled at her, and she stopped struggling. She didn’t want to, but she felt somehow calmer. 

“Let her up,” he said, moving so that she could sit up. She moved to lean against the wall, eyeing the intruders cautiously. Her mind was swimming. How did they get into her house? Why were they dressed so weird? Her gaze lingered on the man with the red eyes. His hair matched. _Fucking weirdo._

“What do you want with me?” she finally asked, through gritted teeth.

“Nothing. Please, don’t be afraid. We didn’t…we didn’t break in,” said the man with the monocle and black hair. He glanced around cautiously as he spoke. Chel laughed in spite of herself.

“Then what the fuck do you call this?”

“We were transported here. Magically.”

Chel couldn’t even dignify that madness with a response. She studied him for a moment, waiting for the penny to drop. But, as she looked at each man and what they were wearing, it sort of made sense. One was dressed in robes, and the other three – they were unlike anything she’d ever seen before. Chel felt herself begin to tremble. She couldn’t manage to make words come out.

“Here, lemme,” said one of them. He shouldered his way passed the monocled man, looking at Chel with cheerful brown eyes. Before she could stop him, he reached forward and planted his index finger on her forehead. Suddenly, she felt as if her eyes had stopped working. Then, images began to appear in front of her, like fish swimming to the surface of a pond. They were blurred and hard to understand, then they all began to move, as if she were watching a movie.

There was chanting and a bright light. Someone – she was very important – appeared from the light. She cast her hand toward Chel, saying something in a tongue she didn’t understand. She felt as if she were falling, and she heard shouting all around her. Suddenly, she landed heavily, and was jolted back.

“We’re not lying,” the man said, frowning. He removed his hand, then offered it to her. She took it slowly and he helped her to her feet.

“Thank you, Goku,” she said. Her eyes got huge. How did she know his name? Did it happen when she saw whatever he had showed her? It must have, because she also knew that they were telling the truth. She’d seen the goddess who sent them here. She looked to each man tentatively.

“Hakkai.” The man with the monocle. “Gojyo.” Red-eyes. “Sanzo.” The priest in the robes. Chel heaved a sigh. No one moved. She opened her mouth to speak again, but suddenly, her head swam. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed.


	2. On a Hard, Hard Day

Waking up was harder than it had ever been. Chel didn’t know how long she drifted in and out of consciousness. She was in her bed at home. She was safe. She could smell sandalwood. Someone drifted into her dreams, though she couldn’t say who. She heard a conversation nearby. Finally, she woke.

“God damn.” Her head was splitting. What happened? She glanced around, but there weren’t any clues. Perhaps she’d taken the wrong pill. But she could hear voices still. Men were talking nearby. _What?_ Suddenly, it all came rushing back. Strangers in her home. The boy had made her understand. They came from Shangri-La. _How was that even real?_ Chel’s heart caught in her throat and she felt nervous chills shoot up her spine. She got out of bed, ignoring her tunnel vision, and stumbled down the hallway.

There they were, sitting on the couch. Four men. In their weird clothes. When they saw her, the black-haired one got to his feet. What was his name? She’d known it yesterday. _Hakkai._ Yes, that was right. And Goku. She liked them both, they were kind. The others had hard, angry eyes. Gojyo and Sanzo. It was all coming back to her now. Her vision was clearing too, and she didn’t feel so much like she’d pass out again.

“Good morning,” she said, clearing her throat. Her heart was still racing. She hoped desperately that they couldn’t see the shake in her knees.

“Did you sleep alright? Goku’s trick did a number on you,” Hakkai said, peering at her with concern. She nodded, taking a half-step back from him. Even knowing what Goku showed her, she was sceptical. Or perhaps afraid. Either way, she wasn’t ready to be anywhere close to them. Especially in her pajamas.

“I was going to cook breakfast, but I wanted to ask permission first,” he said, smiling, “I’d hate to put you out!”

“No, that’s fine. Do you…um, know how to work a stove?”

“Indeed! We have many of the same technologies, I’ll have a good meal up in no time! I wouldn’t want you to work after having such a rough night.”

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Chel replied slowly, her eyes moving passed Hakkai as he entered the kitchen to study the others. Sanzo lounged on the couch, a string of red beads caught between his thumb and index finger. His blonde hair shaded his eyes, making them dark and angry. Goku sat on the edge of the ottoman, looking worried. When they made eye contact, he gave her a little smile. Gojyo was in the chair, hands clasped behind his head. He might have been relaxed, but Chel saw the strain in his jaw, as if he was clinching his teeth - hard. 

After her survey, she turned away, yawning. She fetched some clothes from her room and went to take a shower, trying to calm her nerves. The hot water helped to sooth her aching body, and being alone gave her time to think and process. 

Whatever Goku showed her proved what they said, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. Whoever sent them here did it for a reason, so why put them here, with her? How long would they be here? What the hell was the point of it all? _This is so fucked up._ She inhaled the hot, humid air, imagining that she could take something to her wrists at any time, especially now that Malory wouldn’t be the one to find her body. No, she couldn’t. These strangers from another place were now counting on her. _This is so fucked up._

And then there was the goddess that sent them. Chel tried to remember what she looked like. She had long, dark hair. That’s all she could picture – the rest was as fogged as her bathroom mirror. She sighed in resignation and washed up quickly. When she got out, she dried her hair and left it loose, then went to brush her teeth. When she wiped the mirror, she jumped.

The face of the person starting back at her was so startling that she dropped her towel. Dark bruises had formed below her eyes, as if she had a broken nose. Her eyes were bloodshot. She looked like she’d been through hell and back. Sighing, she turned around to pick up the towel. Behind her stood someone, making her gasp. A hand closed over her mouth and she felt fingernails gently pressing into her cheek. 

“Hush now,” the person said, “Can’t have those boys barging in here, can we?” Their voice was feminine and heady. They released Chel and backed away from her, so she could get a look at them. She was dressed only in sheer silks and had long, dark hair that looked wet. Her eyes seemed to shimmer and change colour.

“You’re the one I saw. The one that sent them here!” Chel said accusingly.

“My name is Bosatsu and they must not know that I am here,” she replied, smiling. There was a hint of urgency in her voice. “But you are quite right, I sent them here.” She crossed to sit on the bathroom counter, and it was only then that Chel realized she was naked. She quickly snatched the towel from the ground and wrapped it around her waist, ignoring the goddess’ smirk.

“I never intended to let you go at this completely alone. I was always going to help. But you never would have believed what I had to say unless you already met them.”

Chel guessed that was intended as an apology, which she accepted hesitantly. After a moment, Bosatsu continued, a little sheepish.

“I was hoping you could help me with them.”

“How could I do that?”

“Being stuck in a different place will change their mind-set. They’re too focused on the physical journey. They’re damn stubborn bastards. But you! You are…crackling with untapped power. I was drawn to it and I watched you as I planned.”

“How long are they here for?” It was the only answer Chel wanted. She didn’t care what the Goddess thought of her. Bosatsu raised an eyebrow, then grinned, clicking her tongue.

“ _Haste_ is what got them here,” she reminded her, hopping off the counter and approaching Chel, pulling her forward until she could whisper in her ear. Chel felt her face grow hot as the goddess pressed her lips against Chel’s neck, kissing her jaw and chin, then biting hard on her lower lip. She cried out.

“What was that for?”

“I’ll need it later, I think,” Bosatsu replied, “Remember, you cannot tell them that we met.”

With that, the goddess disappeared, blinking out of existence. Chel went to the mirror, miffed when she saw the cut on her lip. Blood trickled down her chin in a thin line. Her eyes did look a little less bruised though.

After Chel got herself cleaned up and dressed, she emerged from the bathroom to a pleasant smell. In the kitchen, all four of her visitors sat at the table, eating a meal of eggs, toast, and bacon. Indeed, Hakkai knew how to work the stove, which was a weight off her shoulders. She crossed to the cabinet, ignoring the fact that the group had gone silent. She looked over her shoulder, asking who wanted coffee. Goku made a face indicating that he thought coffee was gross, which made Chel laugh.

“Yes, coffee,” Sanzo said, giving Goku a sidelong glance. Hakkai and Gojyo both said yes as well, so Chel pulled four mugs from the shelf and began getting a pot of coffee going. She leaned against the counter as it brewed, then strode over to pick a piece of bacon from the plate in the centre of the table. When she got close, Sanzo moved well aside.

A pang of guilt hit her stomach. It was only then that she realized that they were as wary of her as she was them. Of course they were. They had been ripped out of their home to a strange place, at the mercy of a stranger. She’d been so caught up in her problem that she hadn’t even considered theirs.

The coffee finished up, so she stuck the bacon in her mouth as she poured it into the mugs, then went to grab cream from the fridge. She picked up the jug of French vanilla and took it to the table, then brought the men their coffee. Goku moved aside so that she could pull a stool over from the bar in the dining room.

She drank her coffee peacefully, happy when the men began chatting again. They started small at first, then began to discuss their situation, their options, and why they were here. She listened carefully, trying to piece things together. Bosatsu had given her very little information. 

“I think,” Hakkai said, an air of finality to his tone, “That we are more or less to stay here.”

“I never told you my name,” Chel realized, her brow furrowed. _God damn, I’m selfish._ “I’m Chelsea, but mostly everyone calls me Chel. And it’s fine if you guys stay. My parents are gone for ages at a time, and I’m back from school for a while. Plus, who else would believe you.” Perhaps that last bit was a little uncalled for, but it had validity that they couldn’t deny. Sanzo looked loath to admit it, but he didn’t object, so Chel took that to mean that he agreed. Goku actually smiled. 

“That means more than you know,” Hakkai replied, “Thank you for your hospitality.”

Chel shrugged. “You need somewhere safe, and this is as safe as it gets.”

“Especially now. Our powers are fading.”

“Hell, I’m surprised Monkey Boy even managed to pull off his stunt last night,” Gojyo said. It was the first time she’d heard him speak, and he had a peculiar, lilting accent that was quite pleasant. He stared into his coffee cup, frowning.

“I’m glad he did,” Chel replied, swilling down her own coffee. She snagged another piece of bacon and got up, putting her cup in the sink. “Make yourselves at home. I’m going to see what I can dig up.”

Without waiting for a reply, she left the kitchen, retreating into her bedroom. She pulled the spare mattress out from underneath her bed, pleased that it was still there. That meant that everyone had a bed to use. After she dragged it across the room, she made sure that all the beds had proper blankets and pillows. While she worked, getting all the sheets together, there was a small knock on the door. She looked up and saw Gojyo standing in the doorway, glancing around nervously. He looked like a stray dog, a bundle of pent-up nerves. She felt sorry for him, but didn’t really know what to say to make him feel better.

“Do you happen to have a cigarette around here?”

Chel smiled and nodded, slipping her hand into her luggage and pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She took two out and led Gojyo took the balcony off the hallway, which overlooked the forest. She lit Gojyo’s cigarette first, then her own. He leaned his elbows against the railing, looking down through the forest as he to a deep drag on the cigarette. Chel rested her hip on the rail, watching Gojyo out of the corner of her eye. He already looked more relaxed.

“You smoke?” he asked, looking away.

“On occasion. It’s good to keep a pack handy.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“Thought you might like company. I can go if you don’t.”

“No,” he replied, perhaps a bit hastily, “I…appreciate the thought.”

They smoked without talking and Gojyo went inside, leaving Chel on the balcony, staring at the glowing ember at the end of her cigarette. She thought about pressing it into her wrists, what it would feel like. It burned brightly as she passed it over her skin, keeping it a hair’s breadth away. She closed her eyes, then quickly smothered it on the wood railing.

When she went back inside, she finished getting the beds made up and pillows distributed. Luckily there were lots of spares between her brother’s old room and the guest room. It was enough to scoot by at the very least, and that was pretty much what Chel was going to do. Afterwards, she dug through her dad and brother’s old clothes, looking for things that might fit. She made some piles and filled up a couple laundry baskets, putting them all in the guest bathroom. Hopefully that would suffice.

All four men were still in the kitchen, so she popped in to inform them about the beds and the clothes. Though Hakkai said thanks, the rest were silent and peered at her with their weird eyes and bizarre clothes. Feeling awkward, she turned on her heel and left the room, going to sit down and watch some TV. A distraction was more than welcome.

It didn’t take long for them to trickle into the living room and find a seat on the couch. They caught the end of Game of Thrones and then Chel flipping channels for a while before settling on NCIS. After a while they started talking amongst themselves, again focusing on why they were here and how to get back. Chel remembered Bosatsu’s pointed remark of “haste is what got them here” and heaved a sigh. She felt awkward and out of place - like she wasn’t really here, just watching what transpired. It was bizarre to say the least. The only thing to do, it appeared, was to just be and see what happened.

“I’m curious,” Chel spoke up during a lull in the conversation, “I want to know more about Shangri-La.”


	3. And God I Really Want You To Stay

That evening, Chel and Hakkai put together a dinner that was, admittedly, somewhat jerry-rigged. Chel made pasta with hamburger meat and sauce from a jar, while Hakkai baked some bizarre bread-like dumplings stuffed with diced steak. They combined efforts to stir-fry peppers, onions, and snap peas in soy sauce and steak drippings. Chel took it upon herself to add garlic to everything she could, so it ended up smelling quite nice. By the time the pasta was ready to be drained, they had drawn a crowd. She poured the water out of the pasta slowly, unblinking in the hot steam that rose up. The heat felt nice on her face.

After she stirred the thick sauce into the pasta, she pulled five bowls down from the cabinet and announced that they could eat. She helped herself to some pasta and meandered into the dining room, grabbing a can of soda from the fridge on her way. Though she expected the boys to stay in the kitchen, they came to sit at the table with her, followed by Hakkai and a hot platter of dumplings. He brought water in cups for everyone, but Goku was already peering at Chel’s soda with interest.

“Want to try?” she asked him, a sly smile on her lips. Goku nodded and she passed him the can, unable to contain her grin as he took a swill. His eyes got wide as the bubbles hit his throat and he went into a coughing fit as soon as he swallowed, sending Chel cackling. 

“I’m sorry,” she giggled, regaining some composure, “I should have warned you.” Goku’s cough turned into a laugh and he shook his head.

“She’s tricky, guys,” he said, an edge of playfulness in his voice. He seemed to recover and peered into the soda can critically before taking another swig, somewhat more controlled this time. He coughed lightly but managed a smile. 

As dinner finished and they migrated back to the living room, Chel could see Goku and Hakkai both visibly more relaxed, lounging gracefully on the couch and loveseat. Sanzo was constantly on edge and Gojyo glared at everything critically. Though she’d turned on the television, she was more interested in the conversation between Hakkai and Sanzo. Evidently it wasn’t very engaging to Gojyo because he abruptly stood and swept down the hallway, pausing only to motion for Chel to follow him. She did, but not without shooting Hakkai a somewhat helpless glance.

Out of earshot of his companions, Gojyo stopped near Chel’s bedroom door and asked for another cigarette. She relaxed and flashed a smile. Of course, that’s all he wanted. She fetched the pack from her bedside table and the lighter from her pocket, pressing them both in Gojyo’s hand.

“You can have them,” she said, pausing for him to move out of the doorway. Instead, he peered over her head, narrowing his eyes when he saw the mattress she’d made up in the floor.

“Who gets that one?” he asked. His voice didn’t betray whatever he was thinking, making Chel wary. She took a moment to consider her response, half-turning to follow his gaze and then turning back to look up at him.

“I hadn’t given out the seating chart yet,” she replied drily, hoping that she came off just as cool as Gojyo did, though she was almost certain that he could hear how forced her “coolness” was. She wasn’t sure why the question has brought heat to her cheeks, but she couldn’t let him know that it had.

“I’ll sleep there,” he said, putting a cigarette between his teeth and tossing the pack onto the mattress. His lips were curled into a sly smile that doubled her nerves. Why was he smiling at her? He’d barely cracked a smile since they got here, but here he was, practically grinning. 

“This place is weird,” he said as he started toward the balcony door at the end of the hallway, “But if we’re here, might as well enjoy ourselves.”

She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, though she had a few guesses, so she watched him coldly as he went through the balcony door. She thought about locking him out but second guessed herself, wondering if he’d break in or not. Huffing a sigh, she went back into her room to gather some pajamas and locked herself in the bathroom to shower.

After her shower, Chel told the men about the sleeping arrangements, turned off the TV, and left them to their own devices. They’d been able to figure out the shower for themselves already, so she wasn’t terribly worried. She curled up in bed with a book and read for quite some time. Eventually Gojyo came in the room, not bothering to knock. He’d traded his bizarre Shangri-La clothes for a pair of running shorts and a black tee. He leaned over to read the title of her book, then sat down on his mattress. As Chel read, she caught him looking at her. Sighing, she closed her book and turned off the lamp.

The bedroom was suddenly dark, with only moonlight shining through the blinds. Chel slipped into bed quietly, not bothering to say anything to Gojyo. As far as she could tell, he hadn’t moved. She lay with her back to him for a while until she heard him rustling his bedclothes. She wasn’t usually able to sleep on her side, so she rolled over onto her back and sighed. It quickly became oppressively obvious how awkward she still felt, especially with Gojyo. She couldn’t figure him out. One minute he looked like an injured wild animal, the next he was smiling luridly at her through cigarette smoke. It was an odd dichotomy, to say the least.

“Have you decided how long you’ll let us stay?” he asked, his lilting voice quiet.

“As long as it takes?” Chel said, a little confused by the question. Had he doubted her the first time she’d said as much? Or perhaps he thought she’d express some doubt when only talking to one person. Well, Bosatsu had told her to be patient, so patient she would be. 

Gojyo seemed to consider before asking her about other things, what she’d do if Sanzo shot someone or what if Goku went missing. His questions got increasingly ridiculous and soon they found themselves leaning over the edges of their beds, laughing at their own questions. They stayed up way to late talking, but by the time Chel convince Gojyo to shut up and go to sleep, they were both much more relaxed.

 

Days passed quickly for Chel and her new companions. From what Chel could see, they gradually relaxed in their new environment, resigned to waiting around for something to happen. Sanzo rapidly read through every piece of literature in the house, eventually talking Chel into taking him to the library. Gojyo and Goku were partial to the TV, though Gojyo often abandoned it in favour of bugging Chel while she sewed and read. Hakkai had become quite the culinary master, revelling in all the “bizarre” things that this realm had. Much to Goku’s pleasure – the boy ate like a horse.

The men grew to like Chel rather well. She grew comfortable with them quickly and appreciated their moodiness. She found it easier to laugh when they were around, much to her surprise. It was a strange feeling to her, but sometimes, she almost felt like she had a family.

At the table one morning, Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku sat eating while Chel perched on the kitchen counter, fussing with peeling an orange. Gojyo had engaged Goku in a conflict over the last pancake, making Chel giggle as she watched them.

_Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz._

As her phone buzzed, she furrowed her brow and hopped off the counter. She hadn’t been expecting to hear from Malory, but there was her number on the caller ID. She took the phone and trotted down the hall.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“What are you doing today? My folks are out and Justin bailed on me.” Malory had been mostly absent from Chel’s life during the break, caught up with her new boyfriend. Chel knew it wouldn’t last, but didn’t bother to tell Malory that.

“We were just about to go to the library.”

“You and Jake?” Jake was the name that Chel had given Sanzo when she talked about him to Malory. Their relationship had become somewhat…involved, and he was the only one who wanted to get out of the house on a regular basis, so bringing him up to Malory had become an inevitability.

“Uh, yeah. His friends are crashing here tonight and he wanted to go before it gets late.”

“Can I come?” It was all Chel could do to suppress a groan.

“Sure, Mal,” she said, glancing down the hallway to Sanzo’s closed door. She walked down, knocked twice, and then headed back into the kitchen.

“Okay, be there in fifteen.”

“Drive safe.” Chel hung up absently, heaving an exasperated sigh. She’d managed to keep Malory away from the house so far, but she was as persistent as she was lonely. Chel’d have to figure something out.

“Something the matter?” Hakkai asked, looking up from his plate. Chel shook her head, wondering what was taking Sanzo so long. She spun around to go back to his door, but slammed right into his chest.

“I’m right here,” he growled gently, putting his hands on her shoulders to steady her. Chel caught her breath, relieved. He was already dressed in jeans and a long-sleeve thermal. Thank the goddess for the little things.

“My friend Malory is going with us, she’ll be here shortly,” she told him, trying not to look as distressed as she felt. He screwed up his face, then pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Anything for you,” he said sarcastically, turning on his heel. He pulled a cigarette out of his back pocket and went down the corridor to go smoke on the balcony. Chel glared after him, then turned her attention to the other three. They were more or less dressed, at least enough to keep Malory happy. Gojyo leaned back in his chair, peering at her between strands of messy red hair. She cut her eyes at him, a warning to be on good behaviour. She didn’t need to worry about the others, but Gojyo was nothing if not a troublemaker. His emotions often got the better of him and he had quite the sharp tongue.

Hakkai helped her get breakfast cleaned up and she made Gojyo tidy up his mattress. After the house looked a little better, they all parked in the living room, flipping on the TV. Sanzo had just come back inside from his smoke break and looked a little more composed. Chel was just about to go get changed when there was a knock at the door. She suppressed a groan.

“Hey, Mal,” she said, jerking the door open. Malory was dressed in skinny jeans and a low-cut top, her hair left down in long curls. Chel bit her lip and cut her eyes to where Gojyo sat, his gaze unwavering from the front door. Mal grinned and came inside, but hesitated when she saw the four men in the living room. 

“These are Jake’s friends,” Chel said dismissively. Malory waved at them, while Chel herded her up the stairs and into her room. After she shut the door, Mal looked at her crossly.

“That was rude,” she said, “You could have introduced us at least?” Chel shook her head.

“I don’t know them that well,” she argued, “Like I said, they’re Jake’s friends.”

“Okay, so you’re going to let random guys hang out at your house alone?” Mal had a point. Shit, Chel thought. She pretended to be too busy changing clothes to reply. Malory sat on her bed in cross silence, then sighed.

“We’ve hung out a couple times, they’re just going to stay here and watch TV. We won’t be gone that long anyway,” Chel said finally, hoping that Malory wouldn’t argue the point further. The last thing she needed was Mal being too smart for her own good. Now that the boys’ powers were completely depleted, they only had their word to convince Malory, and she wasn’t easy to convince. Chel would rather avoid the issue all together.

Just as she pulled a tank top over her head and buckled her jeans, there was an eruption of raised voices in the living room, with Gojyo’s accented tones at the centre of the argument. Chel’s heart caught and she told Mal to stay put. She ripped the door open and bolted into the living room.

Gojyo was standing at the centre of the room, Goku’s collar in his fists. The two were screaming insults and curses at one another. Hakkai stood back helplessly. Suddenly, the room got very silent as Sanzo placed his pistol to Gojyo’s temple.

“I will kill you,” he hissed, pulling back the hammer with his thumb.

“You will not,” Chel snapped, placing her hand on the top of the gun and pulling its muzzle toward the ground. She pushed herself between Gojyo and Goku. Gojyo released the younger man, then locked angry crimson eyes with Chel’s icy green ones. Gojyo’s breath came in furious snorts, like an angry bull. After a moment, he seemed to quiver under her gaze.

“Stop,” she said, placing her palms on his chest to force him back. The anger in her voice tried its best to mask sadness. She’s seen them fight before, but the atmosphere this time had been charged with a particularly dangerous energy. She honestly had believed that Sanzo might’ve pulled the trigger.

Gojyo grasped her wrist, though not in an effort to move her hand, and then tore his gaze away from hers, sinking to the couch. He bored holes through the wall in an effort to avoid eye contact with anyone else. Chel felt a pang of sadness in her gut, then pushed it down. She grabbed Sanzo’s wrist and pulled him down the hallway. At least she could be angry with him.

“That was dumb,” he remarked when she released him.

“What was?”

“Stepping in front of the gun. You could have gotten hurt.” He reached forward and lifted her chin. She jerked away, glancing back toward her bedroom door. Malory would be getting restless.

“What was that about?”

“He’s being a prick.”

“About what, specifically?”

“He called you and your friend ‘stupid humans’ and Goku took offense.” 

Chel furrowed her brow. If Goku took offense, why was Gojyo the angry party? She sighed. She’d have to talk to him about it at some point.  
“Hakkai can keep them in check?” she asked. Removing Sanzo from the equation would remove the immediate threat, at the very least. He nodded in response, so Chel went to fetch Malory. She apologised and made an excuse, then the three of them left for the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that irks me the most sorry :')


	4. Bitten By Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this chapter has always been and is such a mess. OTL I had to get this out of the way so that Drama(tm) may commence. also its been edited so they do the do now hurray.

When they got back to the house, they bid farewell to Mal, watching her car disappear down the driveway. Luckily, Mal and Sanzo had got on fairly well, and Mal hadn’t asked many questions about Sanzo’s “life”. He played his part well, and for that, she was extremely grateful.

“Thank you,” Chel said, leaning against the brick near the garage door. She looked up at Sanzo and smiled. He approached her, his lips curling slightly on the ends. She liked when he got like this. He called it a weakness, lamenting over the fact that it was a purely physical attraction, but she liked it. It suited him.

“For what?” he asked. He drew close to her, pressing his hips into hers. He tilted her head up gently, then leaned forward to whisper something in her ear. She laughed, pushing him away playfully. 

“Big jerk,” she said, giggling. He ran his fingertips over the shaved portion of her head, feeling the fuzzy stubble. He pushed her chin to the side and kissed her temple, then her cheek, then the corner of her mouth. His smile faded and he pressed his forehead to hers. She looked up, studying his droopy, violet eyes.

“I’ve got to talk to Gojyo,” she said, grimacing. Sanzo made a face, drawing to his full height.

“What for?”

“I have to get to the bottom of their fight,” she replied, “It doesn’t make sense.”

“I told you, he’s a dick.” His tone had an edge of irritation. Why did bringing up Gojyo always put him in a mood like this?

“No, he’s really not. That was weird for him and you know it.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m not even-“

“I thought you guys needed each other, why wouldn’t you want to help him and find out what’s wrong?”

Sanzo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He made to take a step back and turn, but Chel caught his wrist. He wasn’t getting out of this that easily.

Overhead, thunder rumbled. The sunny morning had given way to a cloudy afternoon, made worse by the short days of winter. Both Chel and Sanzo looked to the sky. Resigned, Chel let go of Sanzo’s wrist and followed him inside. It was a good thing they did – not two minutes later, as Chel was shrugging out of her coat, she heard the pound of rain beginning on the roof. She glared at Sanzo as he fled to go read in his room, but decided that she’d give him time to mull things over. There were bigger fish to fry, anyway.

Gojyo wasn’t sitting with Hakkai and Goku. When she inquired, they said that he’d stalked off earlier. She checked her room and the balcony, but he wasn’t there. The only other place where he might be was the study. There was a loveseat that he was fond of, especially when Chel retreated there to use the computer. Plus, it was secluded and the others didn’t often go there. She trotted downstairs and knocked lightly on the study door. There wasn’t an answer, but as she opened the door, Gojyo appeared in the doorway.

“Something I can do for you?” he asked curtly. She furrowed her brow.

“Let me in.” He made a face but stepped aside, clearing his throat. Chel looked around, inspecting for broken things, but everything was in its place. Gojyo shut the door behind her and stood, waiting. She turned around, peering up at him. 

“What?” Gojyo asked, looking apprehensive. Chel shrugged. He looked at her critically, as if trying to see through her. The way he stared at her, apprehensive and nervous like a trapped animal, made her heart ache. He hadn’t looked like that since the first day she’d met him, and it wasn’t something she’d ever wanted to see again.

Chel took a deep breath and crossed to sit on the loveseat, her resolve beginning to crumble. She fought to make eye contact with him, but her gaze kept dropping away.  
“I don’t understand why you’d put yourself in a position where Sanzo’d pull a gun on you,” she said, “You just stared down the barrel.”

Gojyo grit his teeth.

“It’s not like I could do anything about it,” he replied.

“You could have let Goku go? Why were you even fighting, anyway?”

“I…said something stupid…You wouldn’t understand…” He came to slouch in the loveseat, squished as far away as he could be from her. Chel turned to sit sideways on her cushion – he wasn’t going to keep away from her that easily.

“Okay, then explain it to me.” 

Gojyo shook his head.

“Fine, don’t. Listen, I don’t care what you said, honestly. I care about the fact that you almost got yourself shot. He really, honest to God, was going to shoot you. Do you realize that?”

“And I suppose you’d be the expert on what Sanzo will or will not do,” Gojyo shot back, moving to stand up. Chel caught his elbow, causing him to flinch, but he stayed seated.

“What the hell does that mean?” she growled, leaning toward him. He glowered down at her, his jaw set so hard that she could see the strain in his neck. His fists were clenched. She wasn’t certain if Gojyo knew the extent of her and Sanzo’s relationship, but he at least knew that something was going on, and the notion was enough to piss him off.

“You guys are leaving,” she continued. 

At that, he averted his eyes, trying again to stand. She caught his shoulder and glanced up at him, fearing what she might see in his face. His crimson eyes were hard and cold, and that surprised her. He pulled away, getting up and leaving. She considered calling out to him, but stopped herself. His eyes…she’d never seen them look quite like that.

The door sat ajar, leaking light into the basement corridor. Chel heard Gojyo’s footfalls on the stairs and leaned her head again the back of the love seat. She closed her eyes, trying to fit the pieces together.

The study door slammed shut, making Chel jump. A fine pink mist had sprung up in the study. Bosatsu was perched on the desk, her breasts thinly veiled with violet silk. She smiled wistfully.

“What a mess,” she said, her voice laced with annoyance. 

“You’re telling me.” Chel’s voice was equally as irritated.

“My dear, you’re a vehement creature, and you just let him walk away? Talk about wussing out. I mean really.”

“I don’t think…”

“No, you don’t. I swear you’re just as bad as them. At least you’re in good company…” Bosatsu trailed off, mumbling to herself for a moment before coming back to her point, “Regardless! I wanted to ask you about something.”

“As long as it’s not about a boy, I’m game.” Chel leaned her head against the back of the seat again, waiting for Bosatsu to speak up.

“I’m sending them back,” she began, “But I have a hunch that, perhaps, you’d like to go with them?”

Chel laughed, in spite of herself.

“And just what would I do? Kill demons?”

“Ideally.”

Chel got to her feet and crossed the room. The goddess was still seated, though she shifted forward as Chel drew nearer. 

“Precisely what do you mean?” she asked with a furrowed brow.

“Power,” Bosatsu said, “And a strong companion. You’ll be fierce and safe, that I promise.”

Chel considered for a moment. She’d get to go to Shangri-La, where there was magic and demons. She’d be strong. And she’d get to stay with her friends. She wouldn’t have to see her family ever again.

“Will I still want to die?” she asked, averting her eyes. The goddess clicked her tongue.

“I cannot heal a disease of the mind,” she said softly, “But you will be safe.”

 _Safe._ That was a comfort. Chel knew she was less than safe in this world. She was acutely aware of herself at all times. Come to think of it, since she’d had the boys around, she had less suicidal thoughts. She’d felt…

“Safe…Okay. Yes.”

“Excellent. I will need time to prepare, the magic is difficult, even for myself. A fortnight, I should think. Can you keep them from shooting each other that long?”

“I can.”

Botsatsu slid from the desk and leaned into Chel, planting a kiss right on her lips.

“See you then, Chel.”

With that, the fog and the goddess were gone. Chel really wasn’t sure how to feel. She was going to Shangri-La. She was going to become powerful. That was good. And she’d stay with her friends. Should she tell them? Two weeks could be a long time, especially if they didn’t know. But what if they didn’t want her to come with them? Heaving a sigh, she decided to let it play out. She wouldn’t do it yet, if she told them at all.

When she slowly ascended the stairs, she found that dinner was almost finished. Hakkai had prepared beef lo mien and egg rice, with Goku’s limited help. She tried to apologize and help out, but Hakkai shooed her into the living room, talking some nonsense about giving her a break.

“You do most of the cooking anyway,” she shouted behind her as Goku pushed her from the room, laughing. She swatted at him playfully, which he expertly evaded. As he went back to help, Chel sighed and went to sit down on the couch. Before she could, Sanzo called her name from down the hall. She groaned audibly. Now was not the time.

“Yeah?” she said, rooted to the spot. He motioned for her to go with him. After a moment of deliberation, she huffed and followed him. They went into his bedroom and he shut the door quickly. Chel turned to face him, raising one eyebrow.

“I won’t keep you,” he began, clearing his throat. “I was thinking about what you said earlier. You are right, we are tasked to do this together. I just…You stepped in front of a gun to keep me from hurting him. I don’t know why but that…bothers me.”

“I would do that for any of you guys,” she replied, “And I did it as much for you as I did for him. If you hurt him…I’d never forgive you.”

“You care for him greatly,” Sanzo replied. There was an odd tone – almost like resignation.

“Yes,” she replied after a moment of consideration. She and Gojyo got along quite well, and she saw a lot of herself in him. She continued, “But Gojyo and I have a very different relationship than you and I do.”

“What kind of relationship is that?”

“Whatever it is that we do. All of the…benefits, for lack of a better word.”

“I’m beginning to think that it’s not the greatest of ideas…”

Chel felt a pang of sadness at his words. She’d expected this conversation, but she’d expected to be the one who initiated it. And she certainly hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.

“You want to stop?” she asked. Sanzo nodded.

“I’ve…strayed from our original agreement. And we’re not staying. I’d rather end it now, before it gets more difficult.”

Chel’s heart caught in her throat. Did that mean that he’d begun having real feelings for her? That seemed…odd. But maybe it was true. Before she’d seen Bosatsu earlier, she’d felt somewhat the same way. But their time together was so good that she’d deigned to just deal with the feelings later. For a moment, she considered telling Sanzo that she’d actually be coming to Shangri-La with them, but that seemed…ill-advised and brash. She needed to sit on it.

“Then…just friends?” she asked, for lack of better phrasing.

“We will be,” he said, exhaling audibly. That must be his way of saying no. Ah, so that was how it was going to be. She steeled herself.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Chel said, smiling at him and moving to open the door. There wasn’t anything more to say. She could see the hesitation in Sanzo’s expression, but she knew if she paused, their resolve would crumble. Quickly, she slipped from his room, stopping in her own room to plug in her phone. She found a thin sweater to slip over her tank top, and then headed into the kitchen.  
She felt withdrawn, thinking too much. That wasn’t a great sign. Though Sanzo’s decision didn’t make her particularly upset, when she piled it on top of all the other things that had happened today, if felt like a weight was crushing her. She needed sleep.

At the table, the boys were already eating and talking, but Gojyo was noticeably reserved. Goku ribbed him, teasing that he wasn’t still mad about their fight earlier. It did little to lighten the mood. She felt the heat of his eyes as she ate, and prepared herself for whatever the evening would bring.

After dinner, Chel hung out with Goku. They played a couple games of checkers, which Chel had diligently taught him, and then a game of Go, which he had showed her. She still wasn’t very good, but he was a patient teacher. Hakkai watched from over the top of the magazine he was reading. He occasionally asked Chel about concepts or phrases which he didn’t understand. 

When Goku yawned and mentioned going to bed, Chel tried to stall. She suggested that they watch a movie, but he shook his head. Hakkai cleared his throat pointedly and she shot him a dirty look. After Goku went to bed, she watched a movie anyway. Halfway through, Hakkai got up and went to bed, telling her that he hoped she had a good night. She blew a raspberry at him, knowing full well that he was teasing her. Sanzo came out of his room to tell her a very brief goodnight before retreating to bed. She noted how far away he’d stayed from her, as if the mere closeness of her would drive him to go back on what he’d said earlier.

When the movie was over, she sighed. She’d felt herself growing sleepy as it was wrapping up, so she doubted she’d make it through another one and if she slept on the couch, she’d be sore for days. She considered sleeping on the loveseat in the study, which was more comfortable, but resigned herself. She’d have to face this awkwardness eventually, especially if she was going to Shangri-La. Heaving herself from the couch, she padded softly to her room.

The light was off when she came in, so she shut the door quietly behind her and checked her phone, quickly texting Mal a goodnight text. She thought she’d caught a break and Gojyo was already asleep, but as she took her sweater and jeans off and slipped into bed, he rolled onto his back and peered up at her. She could practically hear her heart deflating. Maybe he wouldn’t want to talk. She settled down like nothing was the matter, saying a quick goodnight.

“I’m sorry for walking away earlier,” he said, “I was in a mood.”

Chel couldn’t help but laugh.

“You should change the words when Hakkai tells you what to say,” she replied, quickly trying to get herself together. She didn’t want him thinking that she was laughing at him. To her great surprise, he also had to stifle a laugh.

“Yeah…I just…when you said that we’re leaving…I guess I sort of forget…” he trailed off for a moment. Chel turned on her side to peer at him.

“I dunno,” he said, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, “I guess I’ll miss talking to you.”

“It didn’t seem like you just like talking to me earlier,” she replied, trying to keep her voice soft. She was determined to get to the root of this.

“There’s other stuff,” he replied, sitting up so that they were at eye level with each other. He tipped forward slightly so they could talk quieter. 

“Gojyo,” she said, a warning in her voice. He furrowed his brow at her.

“I almost forgot,” he replied, leaning back. “Can’t make Sanzo jealous.”

“Oh shut up. Whatever you think is going on; isn’t.”

At that, he let himself smile. Chel stifled a yawn, blinking in the dim, silvery light.

“Have you thought about it, at least?” he asked, raising a brow at her. She rolled her eyes and didn’t answer, instead rolling on her back so she didn’t have to look at him. But he was persistent in his inquiry and got up, taking a seat next to her on the bed.

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t,” she said sheepishly, a smile playing at the corner of her lips, “But I’m afraid that I won’t be able to keep feelings out of the equation.”

As she said that, Gojyo’s pleased smile faded, replaced by a sombre expression. His eyes grew darker, but there wasn’t the shift to cold and angry. They were just sad. Chel wasn’t really sure what she said wrong, but tried to apologize. Gojyo shook his head, saying that she’d done nothing wrong.

“You really don’t know what I am,” he said under his breath, locking eyes with her. She felt him draw closer as he spoke, could smell the hints of mint and sandalwood in his hair as the longer strands slipped to pool on the blanket.

“I know you,” she replied quietly, unsure of herself. Her head swam with the heat of his close proximity, making her feel almost drunk. There was a split second where she could have stopped him, but she closed her eyes instead, leaning up as he leaned down to kiss her. The press of his tongue on her own tingled and her heart pounded in her ears. They kissed for longer than she expected, breaking away slowly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, beginning to move away.

“No, please.” She caught his face gently, so that he couldn’t easily retreat. She no longer wanted to stop herself. A smile played at her lips and she arched her back slightly, pressing herself closer to him. He caught on, allowing himself to ease closer to her. They kissed again, this time harder. Chel’s heart pounded, heat rising in the pit of her belly. 

Gojyo laced his fingers in her hair, tugging so that she lift her chin, exposing her neck. He kissed down her jaw and neck, his free hand running down her side to grasp her thigh. She smiled at that and found herself wondering just how far he was interested in going. He retraced his path back up her neck, then gently bit at her earlobes.

“Are you certain?” he whispered, his voice somewhat tentative. Chel smiled.

“Yes.”


	5. And A Burning Fear

The next morning, Chel woke up with a sore back. She was a little surprised to find that Gojyo wasn’t around, but she’d stopped trying to figure him out long ago. His flightiness was only surpassed by his intemperance. After the usual morning grogginess dissipated, she took a short shower and tried to make herself look somewhat presentable. She curled her hair and put on a bit of eyeliner. Before she dressed, she took the razor to her undercut, as she did every other week or so. Satisfied with her appearance, she went into the kitchen.

Though Hakkai had breakfast cooking, Chel simply grabbed a cup of coffee and disappeared into the study, getting together some research. She reappeared for a refill later, acutely aware of the four pairs of eyes watching her curiously, but quickly sequestered herself again. Several hours later, she’d compiled a list of necessary items. A few of them, like a sturdy rucksack and a very particular style of knife, she had to order online, but the rest could be picked up at a sporting goods store. She knew that Shangri-La had lots of comforts, but it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared.

Sometime around lunch, while she was checking which stores in the area had which items on her list, there was a knock on the door. Hakkai entered the room wordlessly, closing the door behind him. He skulked across the room to lean over the desk, his expression less than amused.

“I had a dream last night,” he prefaced, his tone suggesting that she knew what was coming, “Bosatsu came to me, asking if I thought you’d be welcome in Shangri-La. When I told her no, she asked what she could do to change that.”

“What’d you tell her?” she asked, glancing away from the computer screen to hear his reply.

“I told her; pay attention,” he snapped, uncharacteristically, “I told her that you’d be welcomed as a demon.”

Something in his delivery made the hair stand up on her skin. His eye was clouded and red around the edges. Chel felt the creeping sensation of embarrassment. What she’d mistook for annoyance was actually sorrow. 

“She wouldn’t make me a demon just to have me lose my mind and get killed,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. She understood his sadness, but she wasn’t about to let him change her mind. Hakkai’s eye grew wide in surprise.

“You think she’s some benevolent, kind goddess? She’s only interested in the ends – the means don’t matter to her!” He heaved a sigh, “You’ve already said yes, haven’t you?”

She nodded. Hakkai straightened, his jaw set.

“I see. And do any of your dalliances know about this?”

_Cheap shot._

“I don’t have dalliances,” she replied, raising an eyebrow. She and Hakkai had never gone to war over anything before, but she wouldn’t have him telling her what to do and what not to do. The last thing he wanted to do was presume that he knew everything about her. Her icy stare almost sent him off, but suddenly his expression softened.

“I don’t know a lot about this world,” he said, heaving another sigh, “But I can promise that you’ll be safe, if you choose to stay with us.”

This was more like the Hakkai she knew. She’d never seen his concern make him so angry, but it fit the bill. She nodded, softening her gaze and letting herself smile up at him. Truly, she appreciated the concern, even if he’d approached it rather vehemently. 

“Let’s have a look at this then,” he said, motioning at the computer. Chel started showing him the different things that she’d ordered and some of the things she was interested in buying, as well as a pattern for simple leggings and a tunic, which she planned to practice so that she could reproduce it without the use of special tools. The only other things she had splurged on was a large pair of expensive silver shears.

They spent a good chunk of the afternoon discussing Shangri-La. She asked lots of questions, many of which could be answered, but a few that were simply “You’ll see when you get there.” Hakkai shared more information on their task for Bosatsu, including in-depth information about the rift between humans and youkai. He spoke a little about the union of a human and a demon being incredibly taboo, even before the calling had begun. And the calling was what drove all the demons mad.

Chel’s growling stomach cut their conversation short. She made Hakkai promise not to tell the others that she was coming with them (he begrudgingly acquiesced) and they headed upstairs to fix an early supper. Whilst still climbing the stairs, there was suddenly a deafening **_BANG!_** from down the hallway. There was a pause, then another. It was coming from the balcony. Fearing for her friends, she told Hakkai to check on Goku and Gojyo, then bolted down the hallway. 

She reached the balcony door and threw it open, immediately assaulted with the smell of gunpowder and petrichor. Smoke clouded the balcony. When he heard her come through the door, Sanzo wheeled, lowering his gun.

“What the hell?!” Chel snapped, her heart still caught in her throat.

“Blowing off steam,” Sanzo replied, his voice ragged. His eyes were dark with anger and his breath came in great gulps. The tremble in his hands told Chel that this wasn’t just “blowing off steam”. Fear and sadness panged her heart.

“Why can’t you just punch a wall, like a normal person?”

Sanzo made no reply. He stuck the gun into his waistband and shouldered passed her, heading down the hallway and into his bedroom. Chel chased after him, managing to catch the door before he slammed it behind him. 

“Sanzo, can you stop running away please?” she growled, shutting the door behind her. He tossed his pistol onto the bed and crossed the room, staring out the window. If he was going to keep avoiding her like this, she might have to shoot him. 

“Chel, just go. I’m fine.”

She crossed the room, unsure of what was wrong but certain that she was part of it. She wrapped her arms around Sanzo from behind and pulled him to her. He went rigid for a moment, then gradually relaxed into her, letting one hand clasp hers. He turned around, still in her embrace, and tilted her chin up to look at him.

“You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”

“Stubborn,” she replied, setting her jaw. He wasn’t about to talk her into leaving him alone until he told her what was wrong. People didn’t just shoot guns off for no reason, especially someone as emotionally restrained as Sanzo.

“I’m…frustrated,” he told her. He absently ran his hands through her hair. She rested her head on his chest, and noted that his heart was still pounding. Suddenly, she thought better of her current position and released him, taking a step back. Luckily, it didn’t interrupt him.

He continued, “I just…don’t understand why we’re here. So far it’s been an exercise in pain and nothing else.”

“That’s my fault,” Chel replied, “I’m sorry.”

Sanzo shook his head and cradled her cheek in his hand. For a moment, she forgot that they’d called it quits and pressed her lips against his wrist. When it dawned on her, she looked up at him, wide-eyed. To her surprise, a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. In a flash, he leaned down to kiss her. Her heart raced.

“You…” Sanzo said through kisses, “are…the…constant.” Constant. Grounding. Stable. All words that Sanzo had used to describe her at one time or another. She didn’t really understand, but if she was a steady place to him, she wasn’t about to question it.

“Of course,” she said, allowing him to push her back toward the bed. He turned around and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Chel toward him. She straddled him and he almost immediately pulled her tank top over her head, wrapping his arms around her. She couldn’t help but smile – she really liked being with Sanzo. There was so much freedom with him, and they were comfortable with each other. It was a great distraction.

Chel unbuttoned Sanzo’s shirt slowly, teasing him as she did. He liked when she raked her teeth over his jaw and shoulders, and she liked the little moans he would make when she did so. She let the shirt hang off his shoulders and moved on to unbuckling his belt, which she pulled from his belt loops and tossed on the floor. He pulled her bra straps down one at a time, kissing the tops of her shoulders and her neck.

Suddenly, the door swung open.

“Hey Sanzo, can I bu-” Gojyo’s voice halted painfully. Both Sanzo and Chel trained their eyes on him and he quickly turned away, leaving the door ajar. They exchanged panicked looks and Chel got to her feet, grabbing her shirt off the floor and trying to get dressed as quickly as she could.

“Shit. Shit shit shit,” she hissed as she pulled the tank top over her head and glanced back at Sanzo. “You know how sorry I am,” she groaned. He simply nodded, his eyes dark. As soon as Chel was decent, she bolted through the door, trying to figure out where Gojyo had gone. She glanced in her room but saw nothing, so she defaulted to the study.

She managed to get there just after him, and caught his arm before he could get the door shut. He ripped it away from her, whirling. His crimson eyes were livid and dark like blood. 

“Go away!” he snarled.

“I…Please, let me explain.”

“Explain? There’s nothing to explain, Chel. I saw everything!”

“Just listen, please!”

He turned his back on her, his entire body rigid. His fists were clenched so tight, she could already see his knuckles turning white. She was unsure of herself, whether she should just keep talking or wait for him to turn around. Finally, she approached him, reaching out to touch his forearm.

“Don’t!” he snapped, “Don’t touch me.”

“Gojyo, please.”

He half-turned, drawing a sharp breath. She could see how tightly his jaw was clenched.

“You said there was nothing going on. That’s what you told me last night. I thought…” He trailed off.

“I-” she paused, gulping down her pride, “You’re right. I should have told you the truth. I’m sorry.”

“Ha, you’re sorry,” he hissed, whirling to face her.

“Gojyo,” she said, reaching out to touch his forearm again. This time he didn’t move away. “I should have been honest with you. But with Sanzo, it’s just a physical thing. Just…to pass the time. And I thought he’d broken it off, until just now.”

“I don’t want to know,” he said, putting his hand up. He went to turn away but Chel caught his wrist. “Just leave me be.”

“No. I’m sorry, but no. You’re my friend.”

Gojyo heaved a sigh and pulled away from her, going over to the loveseat and collapsing on it. He propped his elbow on the arm and rubbed his temple, his eyes unfocused and his jaw still shut tight.

“I’ve never had a feeling like this,” he said quietly, “I guess being holed up with you for three weeks straight will do that.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter much now, does it?”

“What’s that mean?”

“You’ve made your choice, whatever it may be.”

“I…the feelings I have for one person do not diminish the feelings I have for someone else,” she replied, furrowing her brow. “The not telling you thing was really bad but…why can’t I have both?”

“You said it yourself yesterday, we’re leaving.”

Oh. Right. They still thought she was staying behind.

“Then that makes it a fling, and who cares?” she said, her attitude growing teeth. She’d had enough of this. They’d figure it out when they got to Shangri-La. Until then, they could wallow in it for all she cared. They were currently doing a spectacular job of that, anyway.

“A fling. Got it. I’m good at a fling.” His anger sounded more direct this time, so she figured it was, at the very least, a safer anger. She shrugged, apologized again, and then left the study. Her footfalls echoed through the house, and a quick peak into the kitchen told her that Hakkai had already finished putting away whatever he’d made for dinner. Her options were leftovers or starve, but she wasn’t particularly hungry. She’d seemed to have lost her appetite.

She did nothing to get ready for bed, and slept terribly for it. She tossed and turned, and each time she woke up, she’d check to see if Gojyo had returned. He never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fight fight fight


	6. That Has Smeared Us Both On The Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter brought to you by the really awkward fighting that happens when two people stop being friends

Chel woke early, of her own volition, though that wasn’t a difficult feat. She had slept terribly. After sitting up, she stared begrudgingly at the window for quite some time. Some part of her hoped she could just waste the whole day like that. Eventually though, she gathered herself and got up to take a shower. It did little to lighten her mood. She felt the beginnings of a headache and her stomach was still in knots. An excellent beginning to a day.

After she dressed in the most comfortable sweats she could find, she went to check out the kitchen. Hakkai and Sanzo sat at the table, each with a cup of coffee. Sanzo looked up from his book, raising a brow at her. Apparently he wasn’t a fan of her sweats. 

“Good morning,” Hakkai said, a peculiar tone in his voice, “I was just about to start on breakfast.”

“Want help?” she asked, pouring herself a small glass of orange juice. She rifled through the medicine cabinet and found a few aspirin, downing them quickly.

“No, I’m fine, thank you. I thought you might be sleeping in today, what with all of your extracurriculars last night.”

“Don’t start with me, Hakkai,” she growled.

“Temper, temper.” Gojyo entered the room, wearing a cocky grin. His eyes were vivid with the same distrustful arrogance they’d held when she’d first met him. He took a seat at the table, as far from Sanzo as he could, and started in on an orange from the fruit bowl in the middle.

As Chel opened her mouth to snarl a reply, Hakkai interrupted, “Both of you get out of my kitchen.”

Without a word, Chel slammed her empty glass on the counter and did as she was told. She went into her room, grabbed her phone and her keys, and headed out the basement door. Her car roared to life and she sped down the driveway, pissed off and looking for trouble. She huffed and puffed a bit, driving a little faster than was entirely necessary, then decided to try and relax and hit up the sporting goods store to find the extra items she needed for her rucksack.

After she had gotten most of the items on her list, she headed back home. She stopped again at the grocery store for a few things she knew they were running low on. While she had been at the sporting goods store, she’d tried to keep Gojyo off her mind, but now, he was like a daunting mountain on the horizon, an oppressive weight that she couldn’t quite figure out how to scale. She was so sick of feeling this way.

Perhaps, she thought, I’ll start with myself. If she figured out her own feelings first, then she could figure out how they all fit together. It was true that she and Sanzo were a great thing, but they’d made it increasingly clear that they were pushing hard on the boundaries they had set. So it needed to stop. It was just as well. Sanzo was great, but he was…hyper-focused. She doubted there was room for her in his Shangri-La life.

But, then, Gojyo was somewhat the same way. They’d been great friends but she knew his track record. And what he’d said last night was true – once they weren’t stuck in the same room every night, his feelings for her would probably fade – especially as they were replaced by woman after woman. She felt a flare of jealousy at the thought.

Perhaps it would just be better if I just looked out for myself, she thought finally as she piled her items onto the checkout lane. She grappled with getting them into the car, then drove slowly back home. By the time she’d parked the car, Goku was standing outside.

“Why didn’t you take me with you?” he asked when she stepped out. He looked a little hurt.

“I’m sorry, I should have,” she said, “I was just pissed off.”

“Everyone is. I wish Bosatsu would let us go home – then we wouldn’t be here ruining your break.”

“You’re not ruining my break,” she replied, frowning, “Who else would help me with the groceries?”

He laughed in spite of himself, then assisted in bringing the groceries inside. They unpacked everything and chatted, then Chel took her secret Shangri-La purchases into her bedroom, where she tucked them into a drawer. Most of her other items were next-day shipped, so they’re arrive today or tomorrow.

As if on cue, she heard the heavy sound of a diesel engine coming slowly down the drive way – must be the delivery truck. She trotted down the hallway to the front door, almost running headlong into Gojyo as he rounded the corner out of the kitchen.

“Watch it,” he snipped, trying his best to avoid her. She made a face and scooted by him without a word, quickly turning off the door alarm and opening the door, just as the delivery man was about to knock.

“Thank you!” she said as she took the two packages from him. As she shut the door, she realize that Gojyo was still standing there, looking somewhat dumbfounded. She raised a brow and then pushed passed him, heading up the stairs. She could hear his footfalls behind her as she took her items to her room, and groaned inwardly.

“Something I can help you with?” she asked, placing the parcels on her bed and wheeling on Gojyo as he entered her room.

“What’s that?”

“Absolutely none of your business.”

At that, he crossed the room and parked on his mattress, lounging back and picking up a book. Frustrated, she thought “screw it” and decided to go ahead and open her packages anyway. Worse case-scenario, she’d tell him it was for school. The first package was her rucksack. The leather was dark, gorgeous, and very well stitched. It was spacious enough for her items, but small enough that it wouldn’t be a burden. She set it on the bed, pretending not to notice Gojyo’s staring, then pulled open the second package.

The silver shears were larger than she had originally anticipated, but they were beautiful. They were extremely well made and the edge was vicious. They looked like a weapon in her hands, which was just as well, seeing as they would be used mostly to cut leather, fur, and thick linen. They were tied shut with a red ribbon, which she left on as she slipped them into the rucksack.

“Going somewhere?” Gojyo purred in her ear. She jumped and gasped.

“Go away,” she spat.

“Or what? You'll sic Sanzo on me?” he said. She could hear the arrogant grin on his face. 

“Or I’ll take those shears out and neuter you.”

He laughed, standing up straight. “I still want to know where you’re going,” he said.

“What part of ‘none of your business’ did you not understand?”

“The part where you said it’s ‘none of my business’. Cause, if you’re going where I think you’re going, it is my business.” His smile had faded, the façade gone. His eyes were cold and angry now, the same eyes she’d seen when she left him in the study. Dark and blood coloured. At least he was being real this time.

“Back off, it’s for school.”

“Ah, you see, here’s the thing about lying; now I know what it looks like. You can’t lie to me.”

She turned away, drawing the rucksack closed and laying it on top of her dresser. When she tried to leave the bedroom, Gojyo blocked her path, glowering. She felt a little prick of nerves, but when she shouldered passed him, he yielded to her. Hakkai knowing was one thing, Gojyo knowing was a whole other.

 

The afternoon and evening passed slowly, but Chel managed to play keep-away with Gojyo the majority of the day, and after dinner, she retreated to Sanzo’s room. He’d been surprised to see her, peering skittishly over his book, but allowed her to lounge next to him while he read. Finally, he put the book down and cleared his throat.

“If you’re trying to think of a way to apologise, don’t. That was my fault, not yours.”

Chel shrugged. “I appreciate it, but I should’ve said something.”

“I told you, it’s a weakness.”

“You were right to break it off though, before it got more emotionally charged. This whole situation has been like a powder keg, ready to fucking explode.”

“These youkai are so emotional,” he said, shrugging.

“I’ll say.”

For a while longer, they were silent. Sanzo reached over and held her hand for a while, as if he wanted to hold on to this moment, as if it was a sliver of calm in their otherwise chaotic lives that he wanted to remember. She pressed her lips into his palm before taking her hand away and getting up. She knew things were going to get worse before they got better. She wanted to remember this moment too.

“Are we…okay?” she asked before crossing the room to the door. Sanzo nodded, his eyes soft.

“Friends,” he said, as if to remind her. She nodded and left. Her room was empty, thankfully, so she grabbed a change of pajamas and went to get a long bath. She needed it. She was also hoping that maybe she’d accidentally drown in it, save herself the trouble. If she fell asleep…

Her brooding was interrupted by the bathroom’s current occupant – Bosatsu. She was perched on the vanity, surrounded by her signature pink smoke. What a drama queen. Grimacing, Chel slipped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her, praying that no one saw.

“My bull-headed creature,” Bosatsu began, “You’ve made a right mess of things, haven’t you?”

“You’re here to yell at me too?” Chel said, beginning to run her bath. She added lavender bath salts and a teaspoon full of peppermint oil, which filled the air with a lovely smell. She needed all the distraction she could get.

“I should revoke my offer,” the goddess intoned, as if the threat would resonate well. It did not.

“Okay,” Chel replied, beginning to strip her clothes off, “Does that mean you can send them back?”

Bosatsu sighed resignedly. “I said should, not will. I must remember that you neither asked for nor expected this. Perhaps it was too much.”

“No shit.”

“Sass will get you nowhere. I’m moving up my deadline. Can you survive three more days?”

It was Chel’s turn to heave a sigh. She piled her clothes on the floor and slipped into the bath, enjoying the hot water thoroughly. What if her answer was just to drown? What would Bosatsu do then? For a moment, she wondered if the goddess would even try to stop her. Or maybe Chel’s life was little more than a pawn to her – expendable at any time. Maybe Hakkai’s fears were right.

“Sure, no problem,” she replied curtly, running her fingers along the bottom of the tub to disturb any salt that was still undissolved. She sunk down in the water, to get her hair wet, and stayed there for probably longer than was necessary. Her cynicism was misguided – the goddess yanked her head out of the water by her hair. Chel sputtered and growled an insult, clutching at her scalp.

“None of that,” she said, looking down at Chel. “You’re too important to these men. Perhaps even if some of them aren’t entirely certain as to how or why yet…” She trailed off, leaving a pissed off and puzzled Chel. With a wave of her hand, she was gone.

The bathroom was suddenly, deafeningly silent. Chel washed angrily and got out of the tub. After she dried off and put her hair in a thick braid, she got dressed in the tee shirt and gym shorts she’d brought. To her relief, when she checked her bedroom, it was empty. Sequestering herself inside, she packed her rucksack with the purchases from the sporting goods store. Next, she needed to get a few things from the study. She took a deep breath, steeling herself to the suspicion that Gojyo would be holed up there.

She was right. As she crossed the study to dig through her sewing supplies, she very purposefully ignored whatever he said. She rummaged about, eventually finding what she’d come for – a gilded case with many different sized needles, sturdy sinew thread for sewing leather, and a strong, matte black thread.

As she was about to leave the study, Gojyo called her name. She gave pause, took a breath to ground herself, then turned to face him,

“I wish you’d have told her no.”

“Told who no?” she asked, feigning innocence.

“That bitch, Bosatsu.”

“Ah,” Chel said, turning on her heel. She didn’t much care for Gojyo’s thoughts on the matter – she’d go anywhere she damn well pleased. He said something else as she left, but she pretended not to hear.


	7. There Are Too Many People in This Street

Thankfully, Chel slept better than she had the previous night. Her newfound apathy made her sleep peacefully dreamless. At some point, Gojyo might have come in, but she didn’t care enough to register it. Either way, he wasn’t there by the time she woke up, late the next morning.

After eating an apple for breakfast, she began work on perfecting the clothes patterns she had found. The breeches were easy and quick, so she only had to make two prototypes, but the tunic took her all afternoon and well into the evening. Hakkai came in briefly, offered to bring her dinner (which she declined) and then appraised her work, offering a few suggestions. Before he turned to leave, his expression grew stoic.

“Gojyo has figured you out,” he said, “He’s not pleased, to say the least.”

“Okay.” She shrugged, eyes focused on her stitchwork, “What pleases him is none of my concern.”

“Will you please give him a break, Chel? You’ve hurt him.” His voice was harsh, perhaps more so than he had intended. He took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. “You just…”

Chel was shocked that Hakkai raised his voice. She glanced up from her pattern. Hakkai’s expression was a mix of anger and worry that made her heart drop like a stone into the pit of her stomach. She opened her mouth to protest, but the truth of his words resonated with her. She clammed up, her eyes downcast. His admonishment shamed her.

“He’s got every right to be angry with you.”

“I’ve been a jerk…” she replied, rubbing her eyes. Things had gotten so out of hand, spiralling further and further out of her control. And she hadn’t been nice about it, either. It was a small wonder that they hadn’t just left. She swallowed hard.

“Thank you, Hakkai.”

When she stood, he embraced her hard. She almost drew back in surprise, but Hakkai’s welcoming warmth let her relax. She closed her eyes, resting her chin on his shoulder. Tears threatened her, blurring her vision at the corners of her eyes, but she fought them back and forced a smile.

“You’re better than this,” Hakkai told her as he let her go. When he drew back, his face was happy again. That was much better. She felt the lead weight of her heart starting to climb its way back into her chest. As long as Hakkai and Goku were still her friends, the rest was salvageable. She took her leave of the study, a new destination in mind.

Gojyo was outside, leaning on the balcony railing, haloed by cigarette smoke. Evening light cast his face in stark shadows, barely illuminated by the orange glow of the cigarette. He glanced up when she closed the door behind her.

“Busted,” he said, taking a long drag, “Hakkai told me everything.”

“I know.”

“It’s a bad idea.”

“I know.”

He turned to look at her, his red eyes catching the light from the hallway. They were wild and nervous again, just like they had been the day he first arrived, when he had felt completely insecure in his surroundings. Was that how he felt now?

“Then why are you doing it?” he asked, drawing a deep breath.

“I can’t go back to a normal life after this,” she said, trying to be as honest as she felt was appropriate, “And I…really like you guys. You’re my friends. I don’t want to lose that.”

“I don’t really know how to feel about this.”

“I’m still going. Can we at least…be civil?”

He took another drag.

“No promises.”

Chel nodded. At least they were actually talking and not just sniping back and forth. She could hear the bitterness in his tone, which hurt, but it was nothing less than she deserved. Taking a deep breath, but not able to come up with anything else to say, she excused herself and opened the balcony door.

“Chel, how much longer?”

She hesitated.

“Two days.”

A look of relief washed over Gojyo’s face. Chel left before he could ask any more questions, retreating to her room. Her head hurt. Her heart hurt. All she wanted was to sleep.

 

Dreams came in feverish glimpses all night. Chel constantly was tossing and turning. Guilt plagued her. She had done so much to screw up, had hurt her friends and made them into bitter acquaintances. And it would get worse before it got better – Sanzo was going to be pissed when he found out she was going to Shangri-La.

Chel slept well into the afternoon, waking briefly, then falling back asleep. At some point, she might have gotten up to go to the bathroom, but she wasn’t entirely sure. Eventually, she actually woke up for real, startled to see that it was after 4 P.M. Not a moment later, a tickle in her throat progressed into a full-blown coughing fit.

“God damn it,” she croaked, regaining her composure. She got up and went straight into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of orange juice. She chugged it, then immediately started in on another coughing fit. Bitterly, she grabbed the bag of cough drops and retreated to the couch, where Sanzo was sitting with a cup of tea.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, raising a brow at her.

“I’m just dying,” she replied, curling up at the other end of the couch with the big blanket. She turned on the TV and let her mind melt a little bit, slowing feeling worse and worse. The cough turned into full-blown lost voice and she started to get headachy. She dozed at some point, then was woke up by Hakkai.

“You’re coughing in your sleep,” he said, peering at her with a soft eye. He gingerly shooed her to her feet and back to her bed, where she laid down without complaint. Not that she could – her voice was completely gone. He left for a few minutes, then returned with tea that stank of chamomile and ginger. She pulled a face but sipped it anyway, thankful that he’d loaded it with honey to make it palatable.

The rest of the evening passed in a haze. After she’d dozed off again, she woke with a start, only to feel sleepy once more. Later she woke up to find a small package on her night stand, but didn’t have the energy to open it. At some point, she dreamed of Bosatsu. 

 

The haze finally lifted the next morning. Though she still had little voice, the fever was gone. Chel managed to get up and take a very short shower, then plaited her hair and razored her undercut. She decided against makeup, since the last thing she needed was another thing to keep track of in Shangri-La. After she felt reasonably prepared in the hair department, she selected the clothes she’d wear, plus a second set of clothes and a few pairs of underwear and socks, all of which got stuffed in her rucksack. The package she’d gotten the day before was her new knife – a tactical, mean-looking piece of work. She tucked it also into her rucksack. The last thing she got were her hiking boots, which she placed beside the pack.

“Now we wait,” she croaked, unsure of what to do. Did she need to say something? Was there something to do? Would Bosatsu come to her or would she just perform the magic when she was ready? Should she tell the boys to get dressed in their old clothes? Her nerves were fried.

Resigning herself to her worries, she decided to try to find something to eat. She still had a bit of a cough, so she took her time preparing oatmeal. The others were absolutely nowhere to be seen, which put Chel even more on edge. She tried to focus on distracting herself.

After she ate, she went back to her room and took a few sheets of paper out. She owed Malory an explanation, at the very least. She wrote for the better part of an hour, trying to get the wording right. With her final draft, she went downstairs to the empty study and took an envelope, stamped and addressed it, then sealed it up. She walked barefoot on the driveway out to the mailbox, peering around at the familiar terrain as she went. This was possibly the last look she’d ever get. It might not be perfect, but it was where she’d spent the vast majority of her life. She’d always miss it.

She felt Bosatsu’s presence before she saw her. The goddess strolled up from behind her, smirking. She ran her fingers down Chel’s arm and clasped her hand, bringing it up to her lips. Their pace was leisurely, but Chel could hear the urgent pounding of her heart in her ears.

“You have been so patient, and I appreciate your work to patch things up,” Bosatsu said, smiling, “I also appreciate the use of your strength yesterday – I couldn’t get the spell complete without it.”

At that, Chel laughed. No wonder she felt so crappy.

“What’s left then?”

“Are you ready?”

“What about them?”

“They’ll get a small cache of necessary items and clothes, you don’t have to tell them anything. I thought it might make things progress…smoother for you.”

“Then I’m ready.”

Bosatsu smiled, then leaned up to kiss Chel’s forehead.

“You’ve five minutes to get whatever you need.” With that, she was gone. The hammering in Chel’s chest doubled and she trotted down the driveway and into the house, trying not to draw suspicion. She shut herself in her room, grabbed her rucksack, and then quickly started to pull her boots on. As she laced them up, she started to hear a faint crackling in the air, as if it was charged with some kind of electricity. Drawing a deep breath, she leaned her head back against the side of her bed. There was no way to ever be ready to leave, but she was out of time.


	8. There Are Too Many Eyes to Meet

As her next breath came, the world began to warp. The floor bucked and pitched, but Chel couldn’t wrench her eyes open. Her ears roared, her own thoughts drowned out by the static. Her stomach turned with the sick sensation that she was airborne. Just as quickly as it began, she landed heavily on her rump.

Opening her eyes, Chel found herself surrounded endlessly with red dirt. Mountains and plateaus rose in the distance, with smaller hills rolling ahead of them. For the most part, there was little vegetation – a smattering of small, scrubby shrubs. Clutching her rucksack, she stood up to get a better view of the land. It was still, but underneath the calm, she could feel a pulse to it, like blood flowing under skin. She could sense the little shrubs and a large forest to the east. Her head began to pound a little bit, and that was when she realized something was on her head.

Horns. Two perfect spirals sprang from her skull, just above her temples. They felt rough under her curious fingers, and curved almost six inches above her head. Her ears were also different – they were long and pointed. On one, a gold ring had been shoved through her cartilage and a strange white paper hung from it. Her fingernails had changed into steely claws. She felt her teeth, surprised to find that they were reminiscent of bear teeth. This must be what Bosatsu said about making her powerful. Making her a demon. Truly, it was Hakkai’s suggestion.

Her musing was cut short by a loud Thud! and a chorus of muffled “ow!”’s. And an outburst of curses. Chel turned slowly, her eyes wide with apprehension. Sanzo was going to be so pissed. They all would, come to think of it. She was a demon.

To her dismay, Sanzo was the first to his feet. He surveyed the area quickly, jerking Goku up by his collar. As soon as his eyes set on Chel, his face went completely blank. He froze. She watched the colour drain from him, the spark leaving his eyes with dramatic finality as he realized what had happened. She could almost hear his heart drop into his guts.   
Goku, on the other hand, practically flew at her.

“What did she do to you?” he yelled, excitement ringing loudly in his voice. By then, everyone had seen her, their expressions various stages of shocked. Goku took her horns in his hands and yanked on them, then pulled on her ear, then took her face in his hands, his grin spread from ear to ear.

“You’re a demon god!” he said, his voice an adoring squeak. He spun to face his companions, but when he set his eyes on them, his face fell.

“Come on guys, this is so cool!” he exclaimed, attempting to rally them. As if their shock was broken, all three started in on her at once – and all of them were angry. Their raised voices hurt her ears and she didn’t really hear what they were saying. Hakkai, luckily, was more pissed that Bosatsu had taken his dreamed remark as a real suggestion. But Sanzo and Gojyo were close to breathing fire.

“Enough!” Bosatsu’s voice broke the cacophony. She’d appeared at Gojyo’s elbow, and took his face in one hand, smiling slyly at him. She leaned in and kissed him, biting down hard on his lip, then released him. He flung a slew of curses at her, stumbling back, but her attention was already on Chel. Blood trickled down both Gojyo’s and Bosatsu’s chins.

“You are more beautiful than I had imagined,” she said, approaching her. Chel felt the swell of energy around Bosatsu’s body, not unlike the pull of a black hole. For the first time, she was wary of the goddess. But Bosatsu simply ran her finger up one horn, looking down at Chel with pride. “You are magnificent.”

“I’m the same,” she replied, taking Bosatsu’s hand off her horn gingerly.

“Of course, my dear.” She raised her voice so that they others would hear her, tapping the strip of paper and taking a finger to the blood on her chin. She touched her bloody finger to the paper, and to Chel’s surprise, lettering appeared on it.

“A binding spell,” Bosatsu explained, “To keep her safe. She’ll still need a power limiter, but without it, she will still be herself, unaffected by the minus wave.”

“Oh thank god,” Hakkai breathed.

“Your companion and supplies are in the hills, Chel knows the way,” Bosatsu said, pointing toward the plateaus to the south. “And afterward, you are to seek out a demon who goes by the name of Vix Numeira. He is a crafty son of a bitch, but he will have a power limiter strong enough to contain you.” She touched Chel’s cheek again, this time with a gentleness that Chel hadn’t seen before. And yet, it made her all the more nervous. She set her jaw against Bosatsu’s touch.

“He will be cruel, but you will prove yourself to him.”

Chel nodded. She would do whatever it took. Bosatsu kissed Chel’s forehead, then moved to walk away. She locked eyes with Sanzo, winking at him.

In a billow of violet silk and red sand, the goddess was gone. Chel suddenly felt very small. Gojyo returned his gaze to her, his expression a fresh mix of anger and horror, his chin smeared with the blood Bosatsu has used to bind Chel’s body to her mind. Sanzo pinched the bridge of his nose, screwing his eyes shut. Goku regarded the jufu paper earring with wary eyes. Only Hakkai, her ever-patient friend, took it in stride.

“We need our supplies as soon as possible. Chel, how far is the cache Bosatsu mentioned?” he asked. Chel tried to search for it, and to her surprise, it stood out from the landscape like a single star, casting its energy toward her. She felt as if she could reach out and grab it, but it was farther away than that. Much farther.

“A short walk, about three hours,” she said, kicking at the dirt with the heel of her boot. Hakkai nodded and went to speak with Sanzo. They conferred a moment, then finally reached some kind of agreement. Chel had already started walking.

 

They got moving quickly, as if they had much choice. Their modern clothes were ill-adapted to Shangri-La and they had no supplies, save the few things Chel had brought. And even then, she hadn’t brought anything to eat. Luckily, youkai didn’t need nearly as much food as humans. 

Gojyo was completely silent as they travelled, his jaw set hard as if his teeth had been cemented together. He couldn’t even look at her. She guessed that Hakkai hadn’t mentioned the possibility that she would become a demon. And no one could have imagined how drastically she changed.

Sanzo also regarded her with steely contempt, though at least he was looking at her. But she put them both out of her mind, focusing on their path. She asked Goku and Hakkai if they’d heard of this Vix Numeira, and neither had. That’s when Gojyo finally found his voice.

“He’s a lust demon,” he growled from the back of the group, “The Dragon King.”

Chel was beginning to sense a theme. The Dragon King, The Monkey King, The Ox King. And Goku had mentioned that she was a demon god.

“Which would make me…”

“It’s obvious,” Goku laughed, tugging her horn again, “You’re the Goat King!”

“I suppose there are worse things to be.” She managed a little smile, though it felt hollow. There certainly were worse things to be, but right now, she felt like she was all of them at once. She had come to Shangri-La, but at what cost? She glanced in Gojyo’s direction, but his eyes were dark and furious.

_What have I done?_


	9. So I'll Hold Your Wrist

They were relatively silent the rest of the trip, each of them wrapped up in some varying degree of “ill at ease”. The shock of Chel’s transformation seemed to worn off, leaving bitterness in its wake. She was ready to just walk off and abandon them to the desert. But they were still her friends, no matter how angry they were.

Chel led them through a narrow gully, where the sandstone sparkled in the midday sun, and up a steep incline, before finally ending up at the base of the sharpest cliff she’d ever seen. The rock rose above them, sheer and bright, like it walled them off from the rest of the world. In its shadow, Chel felt the bristling of intimidation. Luckily, they weren’t staying there long.

“We aren’t climbing that,” Sanzo growled.

“No need,” Chel replied, scanning the bottom of the cliff. Half-hidden behind a boulder, there was a crevice that came up to her waist. Chel knelt down and poked around inside, eventually grasping a stiff burlap sack. She dragged it out, surprised to find a small white dragon curled up on top.

“Hakuryuu!” Hakkai shouted, his voice lighter than Chel had heard in a long time. The beast squealed and jumped up, flying into Hakkai’s chest so hard it knocked him down. He laughed while the creature licked and nuzzled his face. Chel watched with incredulity as the little dragon wiggled around, squeaking.

Sanzo snatched up the sack, digging through it and tossing the contents into the dust. It was clothes. As soon as the boys realized, they shouted in dismay and went to rescue their respective garments from the dirt. When the sack was empty, Sanzo balled it up and pitched it against the rock wall. It landed with a fwump. He grabbed his robes and went behind the little boulder to change out of his modern clothes. Goku was already halfway done changing, so Gojyo shrugged and took his shirt over his head. Chel rolled her eyes and turned around, walking away in the shade of the cliff.

Ahead of her, she could see something dark moving in the little bits of scrub. It might have been a deer grazing, but did they have deer here? Surely they did. As she got closer, it was definitely a deer. The tufted tail wiggled and flicked as the animal rummaged in the brush. She thought that, seeing as this was Shangri-La, the wildlife might be a little more relaxed around people. Maybe she could touch it. In her excitement, she didn’t even think about reaching out with her new powers.

Goku called after Chel, his voice ringing off the cliff face and echoing loudly. She half-turned, but Goku was still with the others, hidden by the curve of the cliff face. Shrugging, she turned around, hoping the deer might still be there. Unfortunately, it was gone. Huffing, she turned on her heel. Then she froze.

Standing in her path was a massive lion. Its blue mane bristled and it bared pearly teeth at her. She tried to take a step away, but each time, the beast took another step toward her. Her heart was pounding in her ears. It crouched lower, letting a rumbling growl escape its throat. Its bright blue eyes burned steadily. Then…

“Hehe, at least you didn’t run,” the lion said, with a voice that pealed like thunder. He stood up straight and shook his thick mane. It was just then that Chel noticed the short antlers that crowned his head. And the fact that his back half was the legs and tail of a deer. Come to think of it...

“You’re the deer I saw?” she asked. Her realization was somewhat dulled by shock.

“Did you? Must be. I haven’t smelt any deer around here. Pity, that.” As if on cue, the lion’s stomach growled with hunger. He glanced back at his belly, then at Chel. His dark face was dotted with two blue spots above his eyes, giving him an expressive appearance. He looked…sweet. But his teeth were a different story.

“Are you going to try and eat me?” she asked. She was certain that he wouldn’t succeed. As soon as the words were out, the lion boomed with laughter, nearly doubling over. 

“Eat you?” he managed through his laughter, “Why in Heaven’s name?!” He tried to regain his composure, taking deep breaths to try to suppress his outburst. Eventually he managed to get himself under control.

“No, no, dear. I am the companion Bosatsu sent for you. You may call me Soo’taa.”

“Bosatsu sent you?”

The big beast nodded, though his eyes still held a twinkle of laughter. He made an exaggerated bow.

“At your service, for all of your protection and riding-into-battle needs.”

Chel took a breath. Bosatsu didn’t pull punches, that was for certain. All of the powers that came with being the Goat King, and now she had a chimaera as her personal bodyguard. At least he seemed friendly. As she stared at him, she realized how rude she was being.

“Thank you, Soo’taa. I’m called Chel.”

“The Goat King,” he replied, his voice an amused purr. She nodded, a bit of a smile playing on her lips.

“I’m honoured by this,” he continued, “Not much used to missionary work, but you seem alright. I’m told you’ve companions?”

“They’re down the way,” Chel said, gesturing down the curve of the cliff face.

“Shall we surprise them?” There was a mischievous glint in the big animal’s eyes that made Chel smile. She nodded, and the lion bent down in front, so that his elbows touched the ground. She climbed astride his back, putting her hands in his mane for stability. There, she found a thick leather collar, which she left alone.

When Soo’taa stood, she felt a bit unsteady on his broad back, but his gait was fluid and easy to sit. He told her to hold on tight and he broke into a run. He ate up the distance, and they came upon the boys very quickly. They were scrambling to their feet, taking up defensive stances. The lion-beast let out a mighty roar, like a clap of thunder, and slammed on the breaks. Chel clung with her calves on his ribs as he skid to a halt, with his head held high and a flash of fire in his eyes.

“Chel!” Goku called out, confusion apparent in his voice. All eyes were on the big black lion. After a moment of intense silence, he let out a hearty laugh.

“Cat got your tongue?” he chuckled, bending to let Chel slide from his back. She stood beside him, grinning at her companions, who stood dumbstruck and trembling by the small boulder.

“Wha-what is that?” stammered Gojyo.

“Soo’taa,” she replied, “My friend.”

“Does he know how to find the Dragon King?” Sanzo asked, his posture relaxing a bit. The others seemed to take a collective breath as well. Considering that they had their own animal companion with bizarre powers, it shouldn’t take them by too much surprise.

Soo’taa shrugged.

“I hear that he lives to the south, on the banks of a river,” he replied, winking at Chel, “But I guess we’ll just have to go and see.”

Sanzo cursed.

“Of course he lives south. She couldn’t make this easy for us, could she?”

At that, Soo’taa chuckled, but didn’t reply. His sapphire gaze was glancing over each of Chel’s friends, as if sizing them up. His white brows were furrowed critically. Even Chel felt his gaze on her, though it was a soften glance than the others had received. 

Hakkai surveyed the land, seeming to converse with Hakuryuu for a time. The gullies that they’d come from were too narrow, apparently, and they needed to find a better way. Goku approached Soo’taa with caution, but was pleased when the lion allowed him to pet the bridge of his nose. Gojyo eyed them with a steely gaze, his jaw set tight. 

“Alright, we can drive until nightfall,” Hakkai called. Beside him, a big green jeep had appeared in a puff of smoke and dust. The boys piled into it, and Goku invited Chel along, but Soo’taa shook his massive head. She would stick with him for a while so they could get used to each other. They had begun driving away by the time Chel scrambled aboard Soo’taa’s broad back. He lit after them quickly, drawing beside the jeep, then overtaking it. Chel saluted them, grinning with her violent little teeth and a glint in her eyes.

Soo’taa could keep a strong pace for quite some time. He took little short-cuts and doubled back, never straying too far from the jeep. His distinct voice resonated well, so that even the cut of the wind in Chel’s ears didn’t prevent her from hearing him. He’d tell her what they were about to do so she could prepare herself. Eventually, he said, it would become second nature. But for the moment, it felt completely alien. Thank the Goddess for her youkai stamina – otherwise her legs would have been jello a long time ago.

Eventually, once the sun was slung low in the sky, the group stopped near a copse of tall brush. As soon as the boys were out of the jeep, it transformed back into Hakuryuu. The little white dragon almost immediately curled up in a pile under a bush. When Chel slid from Soo’taa’s back, he stalked off to find himself some food. 

“Miss me?” Chel asked, plunking her rucksack down in the dirt.

“No,” Gojyo muttered under his breath. Goku flung a pebble at his head, but before a fight could break out, Sanzo snapped a warning at them. Chel parked a little way from where Hakkai and Gojyo had already settled, already beginning to withdraw a bit. She could feel the disgruntled presence in the air – probably because of her. She’d already decided to leave it alone and simply prove that she deserved to be here with them, but it still nagged at her. And it didn’t help that both Gojyo and Sanzo were pissed at her.

For some time, she busied herself trying to summon a weapon of some kind. She was aware that she was much stronger now, but she also knew her new body came with new surprises. A weapon was on the top of the list of things she’d like to figure out. She could already cast a net of awareness around to feel the pulse of the earth and living beings, but in a fight, that wouldn’t be very helpful.

Absently, she dug through her rucksack. Her fingers found the cold silver of her shears, and on a whim, she pulled them out. In the fading light, they looked larger than she remembered, and more deadly. The red ribbon seemed to shimmer, so she tugged the end of it and the bow untied. As the ribbon fell off, there was a flash of shining magic.

Suddenly, the shears were huge. Hakkai and Gojyo jumped in surprise, and Hakkai was immediately on his feet. Chel stood up, surprised that they were only marginally heavier than they were at their normal size. They flashed with a razor-sharp edge, and looked about as deadly as Chel felt. They were dangerous.

“Now it’s a real party,” Goku said, staring at the shears with admiration. 

Chel had the spark of an idea and took one handle in each hand, opening the shears’ great maw and then, with a twist, they separated into two blades. She brandished each in turn, and with a few coaching words from Hakkai, adapted a fairly stable stance.

“It looks like we’ll have some things to practice,” Hakkai said as Chel clapped the blades back together. She grabbed them and using a small jolt of magic, replaced the red ribbon, which shrank them down to normal size. As she tucked them into her belt, she felt the heat of four sets of eyes. Suddenly shy, she turned around to lay down on the ground, her head propped up on her rucksack.

After a while, everyone began to dose off. Soo’taa came back and curled up at Chel’s side, gently purring. She thought she could hear the sound of someone unable to sleep – deep sighs, tossing and turning, the whole bit. Maybe they just couldn’t get comfortable. Chel’s demon body was remarkably hardy, and she quickly fell asleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another bridge chapter that is necessary but also I have a lot of problems with so just take it. Next week's will be SO much more fun. ;)


	10. And I'll Feel You Listless

They rose with the sun in the morning, setting off with a feverish, almost desperate determination. Sometimes they walked, other times they rode in the jeep, but not once did they stop. Chel let Soo’taa pad alongside the jeep at a casual lope, her eyes constantly trained on Sanzo. The gnaw of worry with bubbling up in her stomach. They hadn’t eaten in almost a full day and, as the only non-demon in their group, it affecting him the hardest, despite what Goku might have said. Demon bodies could sustain themselves much longer, even without water. 

But he’d refused Chel’s offer of finding some fish or prey to hunt, citing their need to hurry. It made Chel angry. She was beginning to notice the effects of hunger in him. There was a slight tremble in his hands and he was paled. Every once in a while, he’d close his eyes and try to steady himself, as if lightheaded.

Later in the afternoon, she grew sick of seeing Sanzo’s pale grimace and stalked off through a sparse forest, looking with her life-sight to find the warm pulse of a peach tree. Its branches were dotted with the fat orange fruits, though not heavily enough to make them bow. Instead, she clamoured up into the tree, using her nails to steady herself. She could get used to this body. Getting down was slightly more difficult, but after filling up the top of her pack, she carefully sidled down the trunk. 

As she returned to the group, she found they were pausing to let Hakuryuu transform. She tossed a peach each to Hakkai and Goku, earning a whoop and a cheer. Gojyo was silent when she pressed his into his palm, his eyes narrowed to slits. She pretended not to notice, taking two peaches and giving them to Sanzo with a pointed glare. He’d eat and he’d like it. He grimaced back at her, but didn’t have the fortitude to argue.

Hakkai smiled his approval – she wasn’t the only one to notice that Sanzo hadn’t been feeling well. She also felt Gojyo’s gaze still on her, but when she caught his eye, it was only contempt that she found there. She shrugged it off – they’d have to hash it out eventually, but now was not the time.

Night fell, but after some cryptic urging from Soo’taa, they decided to continue on. Not an hour later, they came upon the shores of a wide, shallow river, and a small hut on the banks. Inside, lights twinkled. Chel’s heart caught in her throat.

“Told you so,” Soo’taa rumbled, not bothering to mask the laughter in his voice. Waving him off, Sanzo lead his little group up a rather lovely front walk (complete with flagstones) and knocked twice. Not a moment later, the heavy wooden door jerked open half a foot.

“Who is it?” The voice was low and gravelly, but the speaker didn’t appear in the doorway. The light from inside was warm, as if a fire was burning in the hearth. It cast them in flickering orange.

“Are you Vix Numeira?” Sanzo growled, though his tone suggested that it wasn’t really a question.

There was a pause and the door started to close, but Chel shoved between Hakkai and Sanzo and caught it before it shut.

“Please, I need your help,” she said, her heart pounding. A second passed, then the door swung open. Just inside stood a very tall man. Waves of bright red hair framed his brown face, and big gold eyes locked with Chel’s. Two dark horns rose above his head and he had red, cow-like ears, each with a binding jufu hanging from them. If he had two…that must mean that he was very powerful. His long tufted tail lashed as he regarded Chel and her companions. He arched a cherry-red brow.

“The Sheep has arrived. I heard tell that you’d be around sooner or later.”

“I-“

“Come in, then.” He moved aside, allowing them in. They filled the main room quickly, and the demon shut the door before Hakuryuu or Soo’taa could come inside. No pets allowed, apparently. Although, standing in his foyer, she could see why. The tiny hut had a small kitchen, which was really just a counter top with a wash basin, and a little living room, dotted with seating pillows and futons. The fire roared cheerfully in the hearth, over which a large stone pot sat, boiling with something that smelled delicious.

“Thank you,” Chel said, shouldering passed Sanzo to stand between her companions and Numeira. She didn’t want them getting hurt on her account, especially after everything she’d put them through.

“I owe a debt, now I will be out from under it. You may stay the night, if you wish. Consider it a kindness. Food, as well; your human seems hungry.”

Chel was taken aback, but nodded wordlessly. Numeira crossed the room and pulled the pot from the fire. He placed it on a hot plate on the low table at the centre of the living room, then motioned for them all to take a seat. From a cabinet he fetched wooden bowls, cups, and a large pitcher of water. As they settled, he passed around the dishes and then took a seat between Chel and Sanzo.

They filled bowls with the thick stew from the pot, unusually quiet. Chel could see her companions trying to get a read on the demon – all four of them were terribly on-edge. Goku wasn’t even able to devote 100% of his attention to the stew. And Numeira wasn’t helping the situation at all. He kept a fairly grim expression and kept glancing from person to person, clearly gauging them. His golden eyes were dark and narrowed.

“Eat,” he commanded when everyone had a full bowl. He partook as well, which made Chel feel a bit more at ease. They ate quickly, as it was impolite to discuss business over dinner. Goku almost went back for seconds, but Gojyo dug his fingernails into his leg and Sanzo shot them both a look. Chel thought she saw the corner of Numeira’s mouth twitch, but couldn’t be certain if it was a smile or a frown. His tail still lashed absently and he glanced around the table, studying them.

Once he was certain everyone was at the absolute end of their wits with concern, he finally got to his feet and gathered their dishes, dumping them into the small stone basin. He dried his hands off on a cloth, then motioned for Chel to get up and follow him.

“The rest of you may stay put,” he said, lashing his tail once more and leading Chel down a very short corridor. There were two doorways. One appeared to lead to a small bedroom, which they passed by to enter the other. The heavy scent of vanilla and wood smoke hit Chel like a solid force, and she shook her head to try and clear it away. They were in a small room, with a desk and many shelves – it appeared to be some kind of work room. It was cluttered with papers, boxes, and tools – each haphazardly placed where ever they would stay put. Everything was dusted with grey ash.

“There is no need to be so defensive, dearest,” Numeira said as he closed the door behind them, “Your friends are in no danger. And you…” He paused, as if considering the best way of phrasing his next sentence, “You are capable, are you not?”

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the demon. He crossed the room to the desk, beginning to rummage around in the drawers for something. He found it, and a sly smile revealed a mouth full of sharp, pointed teeth. He drew a knife out from the drawer, and it glinted evilly in the light. Chel felt more unsettled by the second. She took a step back as he laid the knife on a stack of papers, then watched carefully as he began searching through the shelves. He dug through some small boxes and bags, glancing up at Chel every few moments.

“What are you doing?” she asked finally, her nerves making her impatient. Numeira shushed her, then continued to dig. Finally, he found something that glinted in the lantern light, smiled again, and returned to the knife.

“I would ask if you are brave,” he began, picking up the knife and approaching Chel. She held her ground, praying silently that Bosatsu would have had the foresight to secure her safety. 

“However,” he continued, “I think that you’ve already answered that question time and time over. So I’ll ask another. Have you any knowledge of what is involved when making a good power limiter?”

Chel shook her head. She wasn’t even entirely certain what a power limiter did, besides make her look human. Or at least, that’s what she assumed.

“A good one, like this one, will bind the yokai features and bring your power under control, but it will not limit your ability to draw your weapon or your physical strength. Seeing as you also have a binding spell, we needn’t worry about you losing your mind to this minus wave, so we can leave that part out.

“Do you like this?” He held up a small, beautiful ring. It was silver with a small white opal set into it. Though it looked simple, Chel could see the ripples of power folded into the metal. She nodded.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, glancing up at Numeira. She had to work to keep herself from gasping in surprise. He was closer than she realized and staring at her, but the grimace was gone, and he looked kinder for it. The tattoos on his face worked to make him look sharp and dangerous, but when he wasn’t scowling, he seemed…soft.

“Two things,” he started, holding the knife tightly in one hand, “I will need a small amount of blood for this, to bind it and give it power.”

Chel nodded. She’d seen blood used as a binder already.

“And the second thing?”

“Ah, yes. Payment. It’s true that I do this as a payment for a debt, but there is no reason that I can not benefit from it. Although…I haven’t quite decided what exact form of payment I’d like.” There was a tone in his voice, a lurid edge that took her by surprise. 

“I need a power limiter,” Chel said, making a face, “I can’t exactly say no. So, yes, I guess.”

Another sly smile. She was growing uncertain again. Maybe the kindness of Numeira’s features was a ruse all along. Either way, she had no choice. Numeira set to work, clearing a space on the desk for a small plate of coals, which he lit with a match. He set the ring on the coals gently, then took Chel’s hand, tilting her chin up. He locked eyes with her, and his golden gaze held her as he pressed the knife into the heel of her hand. She was careful not to let any pain show in her features, but the bite of the blade churned her stomach.

Setting the knife down, he pulled her over to where the ring sat on top of the now-burning coals, then squeezed her wrist so that several drops of blood fell into the little dish, sizzling as it did. There was a flare of fire, which settled quickly.

“Good,” Numeira said, glancing at Chel’s hand, “May I?” She was confused as to what he was asking, which he must have taken as consent. He took her palm carefully and placed his lips on the little cut, running his tongue over it. It stung, but when he released her, it was healed into a small, angry scar.

He turned and fished the ring out from the coals, blowing on it gently. He took a small string of leather from the desk and threaded it through the ring, tying the ends in a knot. Gently, he placed his hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer, and placed the necklace over her head, minding her horns and ears. It settled nicely when he pulled her braid and loose hair through. He appraised it, his head tilted down slightly, then cut his eyes up to stare into hers.

“I leave it up to you when you put it on,” he said, “But it will work and it will work well.”

Chel half-snorted a laugh.

“You know, Bosatsu had said you’d be cruel,” she remarked. Numeira raised a brow.

“She wounds me, to have so little regard for my manners. Although, leaving your friends to wait with bated breath, a fairly cruel practice, yes?”

“True. And, if I remember, a payment is still due.”   
She had finally remembered that, besides being the Dragon King, Gojyo had also said he was a lust demon. And standing so close to him, with his fingertips still curled through the leather around her neck, she was beginning to get an idea about Numeira.

“Ah, yes, a payment. A small debt, but I can be cruel in small ways. Shall we decide on how I will extract my fee?” He reached up and brushed her fringe from her face, then traced something on her cheeks. When he ran his thumb right under her lower lip, she knew what he’d be requesting.

“What did you have in mind?” she asked, almost playfully, raising one pink brow. He smiled.

“Your companions can sleep on the futons in the main room,” he said, tilting her head to one side so that he could whisper into her ear, “And you shall stay under my stewardship tonight.” Chel felt the graze of his teeth on her jaw and then on her earlobe. A pleasant tremble made its way down her spine and through her stomach. She smiled, biting lightly on the inside of her cheek.

“Deal,” she said, taking a breath. Numeira released her, sending her out of the room. She put on a somewhat stoic expression. When she exited the corridor, Goku jumped up to get between her and Numeira, who rounded the corner not a moment later.

“Nothing is different,” Hakkai growled, “Did he hurt you?”

Chel shook her head and held up the ring.

“I want to put it on later,” she said, glancing at Sanzo and Hakkai, “I want to see myself first.” Sanzo looked annoyed, but Hakkai nodded.

“You all must be exhausted. You are welcome to the futons and the floor here,” Numeira said, motioning to some blankets piled in a basket in the corner, “You’ll need to get moving at first light if you intend to make up for lost time.”

Goku stepped away gingerly, and as he did, Numeira motioned for Chel to follow him. As she stepped away with him, all four men got to their feet - the air suddenly colder, charged with something dark and dangerous.

“Where are you taking her now?” Sanzo growled.

“It’s fine,” Chel insisted, “It’s been discussed already. Just, get some sleep. Please.”

Numeira was suddenly at her side, pressing his claws into her cheek. He said something that she didn’t catch and bit the tip of her ear. Gojyo’s face paled visibly and Sanzo’s hand went to his gun, but Hakkai stepped in front of them both.

“Bosatsu said he was cruel,” Chel said, shrugging. Now she understood. Numeira cracked a grin at that, releasing her and starting down the corridor. She followed him, not wanting to look back at her friends. Hopefully they understood that, as a payment, this was the easiest way.

When Numeira shut the door to his bedroom behind her, she wheeled on him.

“You didn’t have to be such an asshole,” she growled.

“You said it yourself, dearest; I am cruel.” He untied the sash of his hanfu, which he let fall to the ground. He pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a heavily-tattooed body and pierced nipples. For a moment, Chel had to fight to keep her anger.

“You still didn’t have to be that bad. It’s bad enough that I went with you, you didn’t have to flaunt it in their faces.” She tried to be angry for Goku and Hakkai’s sake, but the look on Gojyo’s face when he had realized what was happening hurt her more than she’d initially realized. She felt her heart practically sitting in her guts.

“Stop with that,” he said, gently pulling her from the middle of the room. He laid back on his futon, staring up at her with soft, kind eyes. His red hair spilled around him like an ocean, and the gold tattoos on his dark skin glittered with light from the candles. One thing was certain, he was nothing if not a conundrum. And he was beautiful. Chel found herself having a difficult time keeping her wits about her.

“I didn’t think that the Sheep King would be a lust demon,” he said, running his hand down his side and across the hem of his leggings. Chel laughed, kneeling onto the futon and planting one hand on each side of his shoulders.

“I’m a lust demon?”

“Desire, lust, same thing.”

Chel considered for a moment. There were similarities between herself and Numeira that she couldn’t deny - the binding jufu were a big one. She shrugged. This wasn't really the time to worry about semantics - she had a half-naked man splayed out on the bed to concern herself with. 

“You know, I had hoped it would go this way,” Numeira said, smiling. He leaned up to kiss her, but she pulled back a hair’s breadth, just out of his reach. His eyes flashed with playful fire and he reached up to pull her down. Their lips met with a spark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shrugs* enchanted soundproof bedroom?


	11. Shaking on the Edge of Your Seat

A beam of orange light cast itself through the tiny bedroom window, across Chel’s sleeping face. She roused, turning over under the pile of blankets. Arms tightened around her as she did, pulling her closer to Numeira’s warm body. He kissed the tops of her shoulders, letting his teeth rake over them gently. When she tried to wiggle away, he finally opened one eye, his brow furrowed disapprovingly.

“You’re not supposed to get up yet,” he said, his voice groggy and slurring. He took a deep breath and rolled onto his back, glaring out the tiny window, where the sky was streaked with orange and pink. The rosy glow made the room feel warm. Chel would’ve loved to linger and watch the sun rise, to put all her responsibilities on the backburner. Slowly, as sleep slipped away, her mind returned to her friends in the living room. They would probably be waking up now – if they had managed to sleep at all. She felt a pang of guilt, which faded as she glanced back at Numeira. They should just trust her.

“You can sleep all you like,” she said, straddling him, then stepping off the side of the futon. She started getting dressed lazily, well aware that he was still watching her. She tried not to look at him as she slipped on her breeches, but could see his smile from the corner of her eye. Doing her best to ignore him, she pulled her tunic over her head and stuffed her feet in her boots. Chel took his sash from the foot of the bed and wrapped it once around his neck, pulling it snug. He smiled at her, letting her pull him to his feet. He leaned in for a kiss, but she quickly turned him loose and stepped away. The dangerous, playful glint from the night before returned to his eyes and he closed in on her, pushing her against the wall and holding her head back to expose her neck. He gently ran his sharp teeth over the skin, then nipped her. She gasped, grinning, and let him kiss her.

“Watch yourself, Sheep. I might have to keep you another night.”

“Another time, dearest.” She leaned up and kissed his forehead. Although their night had been mostly sex, bestrewn with conversation, they had a playful banter that she quite liked. And he made her laugh. There was a sweet side to him, even if it came in very short bursts. She liked him.

After they were dressed, he helped her braid her hair and gently kissed her jaw and ears. She leaned into him, taking a deep breath and steeling herself to whatever would meet her when they left the quiet sanctity of the room. She found herself not wanting to leave. But she had a responsibility. Or so she kept thinking.

Numeira chose not to leave the room, not that Chel could blame him. He made certain that she had her power limiter and kissed her once again. She smiled, then left, closing the door gently behind her. Before she turned around, she took a deep breath. As she went into the main room, all four of her companions were almost instantly on their feet. Before they could speak, she jerked open the front door and left, leaving it hanging wide open. They followed her quickly onto the front walk, eager to get out of the house.

“Leave him alone,” she growled as Gojyo lingered in the doorway. His features grew dark, but he said nothing and moved to stand with Hakkai, scuffing the grass with his boot. Hakuryuu and Soo’taa had fallen asleep near the edge of the hut and were just waking up, so they started walking while the animals got their bearings. Eventually, Goku broke the silence.

“Are we not going to talk about what the hell that was?”

“I thought we were clear on what that was,” Chel replied curtly, “I got a power limiter and I owed a debt for it. It was the easiest way to settle that debt.”

“Aw, man, that guy was a creep.”

“He was kind to you,” Chel said, “He easily could have taken payment in another way. A pound of dragon flesh? Monkey stew? Mutton chops? I’d rather not, personally.”

“Defensive, aren’t we?” Hakkai remarked. 

“I’m sorry that he was an ass about it, but the point stands,” she said, wheeling on the group. With her hair braided, she suddenly remembered that her neck was home to no less than five or six angry red bites. Sanzo must have noticed, as he furrowed his brow and grabbed her arm, halting her.

“What’d he do to you?” he snapped, tilting her head and moving her hair to see them more clearly. “Did he hurt you? Are there more?”

“I’m fine,” she snapped back, jerking away from him, “He didn’t hurt me.”

Sanzo regarded her coolly, with darkened eyes, but didn’t reply. He turned around and asked Hakkai if the jeep was ready. In reply, the dragon squealed and transformed. Without another word, the boys piled in. Soo’taa came to stand beside Chel, and watched as the jeep drove off.

“I bet they wouldn’t even care if I didn’t follow them,” she said, taking a seat in the clay. Soo’taa sat beside her, watching the river placidly. His little tufted tail twitched a bit and he heaved a sigh.

“I think,” he rumbled gently, “That they were very worried. They need a little while to be angry, now that they know you’re okay.”

“But why do they need to be angry?”

He shrugged.

“The demon is dangerous and you put yourself at risk.”

“Soo’taa, they were literally right there.”

“Another reason. Maybe they thought you were acting selfishly. If they thought you acted without thinking of them, without consulting them, they could be angry. Perhaps they thought you were all on the same team?”

“We are though.”

“Acting the way you did last night? It doesn’t feel that way. In fact, you’ve been separating yourself from them since you met me. Before that, even?”

She took a moment to consider what he said.

“Oh my god, you’re right.” 

Since the moment she had got to Shangri-La, she’d been against them. She had ridden separate, she had slept separate, she had even walked separate. No wonder they felt like she wasn’t on their side. And they had gone so far out of their way for her. No wonder they were sick of her.

“Alright, time to go,” Soo’taa boomed, “Enough wallowing, time to apologize.” Chel nodded and climbed aboard. Her legs felt shaky as she clung to his back, like she had the chills. As they loped along down the banks of the wide river, a sense of dread sat in the pit of her stomach.

An hour or so later, they finally decided to catch up to the jeep. Soo’taa poured speed on, and within fifteen minutes, they could see the vehicle in the distance, running along the river. When they pulled alongside it, Chel pulled off her boots and pitched them and her rucksack into the back of the jeep. She wiggled her toes, winked at Goku, then allowed Soo’taa to drop back off the jeep’s flank, out of reach of the dust cloud.

They travelled another two or three hours before they came upon a road, which led into a small town. On the outskirts, the boys stopped and let Hakuryuu transform. When Chel arrived, she was pleased to see that they were waiting for her. Hakkai had her pack slung over one shoulder. She looked for her boots in the dirt, but didn’t see them.

“Hi,” she said as she slid from Soo’taa’s back, padding a little closer, “I have something to say.”

Gojyo groaned and rolled his eyes, but everyone else was attentive, if somewhat reserved.

“I’ve been…like…a total asshole since we got back. I never meant to make it seem like I was on anyone’s team but yours and I…I should have come to you for advice before just doing what I wanted to do. And I’m sorry. So, from now on, I want to all be on one team…If that’s okay.” As she finished speaking, she realized that she was trembling. Her heart beat rapidly and she felt alternatively boiling hot and freezing cold. After a long moment, Sanzo nodded.

“Apology accepted,” he growled, “And if you ever do that again, I’m hanging your skull on a temple wall. Come on, I’m starving.”

That done, he turned on his heel and started walking into town. Chel winked at Soo’taa as he loped away – he and Hakuryuu would go around, as to avoid attention. Hakkai handed Chel her rucksack, smiling at her. When she glanced around again for her boots, she was surprised to see that Gojyo had them tied together and draped over his neck. As the others began walking into town, he approached her gingerly, eyes wild and shifting. Before she could say anything, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small mirror, which fit into the palm of his hand.

“You said you wanted to see yourself before putting on the limiter,” he said, holding out the mirror. She picked it up and almost dropped it again. The person starting back at her was truly a demon. As if the horns and ears and teeth weren’t enough, strange tattoos streaked across her cheekbones and down her chin. Her eyes widened.

“No wonder I feel so different,” she said, her voice quaking. She quickly snapped the leather that held the power limiter and slipped the ring onto her finger. There wasn’t a rush of power, and she didn’t feel any different, but when she looked back in the mirror, she was her old, human, un-tattooed self.

“Better,” Gojyo said, taking the boot laces from over his neck and offering them to her gingerly. As she took them, he jerked his hand away – just a little too fast. Chel felt a sting in her heart. 

“I feel really shitty,” she said as she parked on the ground to put her boots on. She expected Gojyo to walk away, but to her surprise, he stayed, even if he didn’t look at her. She took it as an okay to keep speaking.

“That was a cruel thing that I did.”

“To all of us,” he agreed, glancing toward the town, “We were up all night.”

Chel swallowed hard. She’d been expecting that, but hearing it made her heart sink into her stomach. She searched Gojyo’s face for some kind of sign that maybe he was joking, that it really hadn’t been that bad. But Gojyo just shrugged. His feigned indifference sent a chill down her spine – as bad as his anger was, this was somehow worse. Cold. And bitter. 

“I want to make it right.”

He smirked.

“There’s just some things that can’t be fixed, Chel,” he replied. There was that wild darkness in his expression again. He didn’t look at her. 

Just then, Hakkai called out to them, raising a hand. He was too far away to hear what he said, but Chel called back and got to her feet, starting toward her friends. She felt self-conscious, certain that Gojyo was watching her. Trying to put it out of her mind, she hurried to catch up with Hakkai and Goku.

“Hey, haven’t seen that face in a while!”

Chel smiled, pulling on her normal, human ears.

“Did you get a good look at yourself?” Hakkai asked, his tone implying a double entendre.

“More than I wanted,” she replied, sighing. He smiled. Gojyo caught up to them then, trying to look as casual as possible as they entered the little town. Chel tried to pretend that things were okay. At least, now that she had apologized, she could work on making them okay.

The dusty little road took them straight through the small town’s main street, which was dotted with stalls selling produce. Chel looked through them with interest, happy that she was able to identify most things being sold. Most of them had heaps of apples or peaches, then either small bags of rice or potatoes. As they passed one particularly colourful stall, she caught a glimpse of plump, shiny strawberries.

“Hakkai, here,” Sanzo said, stuffing a handful of cash into Hakkai’s palm. He laughed and wandered off to the stalls. Goku followed after him, his voice carrying through the main street as he begged for this or that. Chel had to hold in a laugh – that must be why Sanzo let Hakkai do the shopping. 

Sanzo parked himself against the side of a building, digging through his robes for a cigarette. He stuck one in his lips, then searched for a match. Remembering that she’d brought some, Chel pulled the little matchbook from her pack and handed it to him.

“Always thinking ahead,” Sanzo said through the cigarette, striking a match. After he’d dropped the burnt-up match on the sandy ground, he looked over Chel’s head, gesturing with the matches. It was only then that she realized that Gojyo was standing behind her. He reached over her shoulder to take the matchbook from Sanzo, then his footsteps receded.

“He’s still angry with me as well,” Sanzo said, almost offhandedly, his gaze focused somewhere down the street. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong?”

He shrugged. The orange tip of the cigarette flared gently, pulsing. The gentle glow reminded Chel of the ebbing pulse of the world around her. She tried to push it back down, but the souls of so many were starting to rise up in her mind, glowing and pulsing just behind her eyes. As she glanced up, she could see the bright white blaze of Sanzo, standing against the old sandstone wall. She blinked, taking a step away, then spun when she bumped into someone.

The duller glow of the bustling town was eclipsed by a fiery red sun. Gojyo had been reaching toward her, ringed in cigarette smoke, and paused when she’d backed up into him. As she turned to face him, he half-stepped back, just far enough away that she could see the burning of the huge red soul in his chest. Its glow expanded throughout his body, giving him a halo of fire. Everyone else was a ghostly white to her. She could feel her jaw drop.

“What?” he asked, furrowing his brow deeply. But she couldn’t speak. She just stared at him, doing her best to wrangle her life-sight under control. His glow faded gently, ebbing down to a manageable level. She couldn’t muster the energy to squash it completely. Not that she particularly wanted to. It made Gojyo even more beautiful.

“What’s the matter with you?” he growled. As she scrambled to gather her wits, she shook her head. He made a face and held out her matchbook, gingerly dropping it into her hand. He stepped away from her quickly, making it painfully clear that he didn’t even want to be near her. She returned her attention to Sanzo, though his expression didn’t help her mood much.

“You alright?”

She shook her head.

“These powers are unpredictable.”

Just then, Goku’s voice called out from nearby as he trotted toward them carrying a basket and a kabob. 

“Now Sanzo won’t starve to death out in the desert!” 

“Come on, we need to get moving,” Sanzo said, straightening up. Hakkai was following closely behind Goku, cradling bags in his arms. He offered on to Chel, which she accepted with a sheepish smile. Behind them, Gojyo was milling around, clearly ready to get moving. The red glow was almost gone, thankfully. 

They followed the road through town, Chel planting herself firmly between Goku and Hakkai. For some time, they went without saying much, but soon the banter started and Chel began to relax. By the time they left town, she was laughing along with Hakkai, much more at ease. They met up with Hakuryuu and Soo’taa, though the chimaera yawned lazily when they arrived.

“I think he deserves a break,” Goku said, motioning to Soo’taa. He rumbled with laughter.

“You’re kind, my friend,” he replied, lowering his big head so that Goku to pat his nose. 

“Chel is small, she can fit,” Goku continued. The jeep had already transformed and Hakkai was climbing into the driver’s seat. Sanzo quickly got into the passenger seat, leaving the three demons to pile in the back. Chel swung up into the back expertly, extending a hand to Gojyo. He furrowed his brow but, to her surprised, accepted her help, seeming somewhat surprised that she was strong enough to pull him up. She winked and pulled up Goku as well, then settled in one corner of the back, trying to make herself as unobtrusive as possible. Once Goku and Gojyo were seated, they sped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes today's episode of "I dont know how got here but angst it shall be". I took a bit of a break but I will be back to regular Tuesday updates starting on 01/10/2017!


	12. Oh Hide Me Safe Away

The familiar, subduing calmness of being highway drunk lulled Chel into a gentle stupor. She leaned her head against the spare tire. The red dirt stretched on for miles, but she could feel the life of the land pulsing, a network of spirits that was all but invisible. As the sun got lower and the heat dissipated, animals became more active, and Chel felt them as stars dotting the land, bright and lively.

She was startled from her musings by the jeep skidding to a very abrupt halt. She slid hard into Gojyo, pinning him against the side of the vehicle. She looked up into his hard crimson eyes, then quickly scrambled away. Goku had already started complaining, but Sanzo hushed him with a single word – enemies. A tremble went through Chel. She reached out with her mind, but was unable to find any unusual life. Shit, she thought.

“False al-”

Sanzo was cut off by a vicious roar that ripped from Soo’taa’s throat. A demon was on his back, and he twisted and bucked wildly to dislodge it. Instantly, everyone was on their feet. Chel’s hand went to her shears and she stepped off the side of the jeep, landing heavily on the desert floor.

“No, Chel!” Sanzo hissed.

“Hiding is useless,” she snapped back, opening her shears. They separated with a flash and became huge and deadly. At her side, Goku appeared, nyoibo in his hands. Soo’taa had grabbed the demon from his back and ripped into it, causing it to disintegrate into a cloud of ash. For a moment, all was still.

Four demons came jumping out of the scrub, trapping Hakkai in the jeep’s front seat. From the other side, six more careened from behind a rocky outcropping. Soo’taa’s booming voice began the cacophony. The demons shouted and gunfire cracked from Chel’s left, while she wheeled to leap at the demon closest to Hakkai. She sank one blade into his shoulder, and slashed a second across the stomach. At the touch of her shears, they both crumbled. With Hakkai safe, she spun. Soo’taa was tearing into someone. Gojyo had summoned his weapon and dispatched two demons. Goku already had taken care of a few more. Sanzo’d put bullets in two. As quickly as it had begun, the skirmish was over. Only the sound of their breathing could be heard.

“Are you okay?” Chel asked, going directly to Hakkai. The demons had come for him, knowing they could trap him against the steering column. He nodded, and only then did she put away her shears. She surveyed everyone else. They looked okay. Soo’taa looked roughed up, but when she asked, he confirmed that the demon hadn’t injured him.

Goku laughed slyly, slinging his arm over Chel’s shoulders.

“With you here, the demons are really gunna have trouble. You’re wicked.”

“I was just worried,” she said, letting Goku climb into the back of the jeep and pull her up after him. He tried to help Gojyo up, but he sneered and got in the back on his own. Sanzo surveyed the area, looking discontented, but there was nothing else they could do. And they definitely couldn’t stay here. The day was fading quickly.

Before much longer, they managed to come across a town with an inn. It was smaller than the one they had reached that morning, but had a tavern downstairs with hot food, so no one complained. After they ate, the innkeeper handed them three keys. Groaning, Sanzo took one and glanced pointedly at Gojyo, then got to his feet and headed up the stairs.

“I guess that leaves me and you, Goku,” Hakkai said, smiling and standing. He slid the other key to Chel. “You can have it to yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised, she nodded and got to her feet, kissing the top of Goku’s head and saying goodnight to the boys. She tread very lightly up the stairs, and quickly found her room – the first door in the hallway. After she locked it behind her, she sighed deeply and set about washing the dirt from the road out of her hair. She unpacked her things on one of the beds, then changed into a different pair of breeches and a cotton tank top, washing and hanging up her other ones. Finally clean and warm, she flopped down on the other bed, closing her eyes.

At the very cusp of sleep, Chel was jolted awake by someone banging on the door. She groaned and got to her feet, wondering what in the hell was so important. When she jerked the door open, she revealed a very annoyed innkeeper.

“I’m sorry, but your friend is being…unruly. I had to cut him off.” His voice dripped annoyance, and there was an edge of anger that spurred Chel through the door. She gulped as she tromped down the stairs, afraid of what she might find.

A very, very drunk Gojyo sat on a bar stool, leaning heavily on some woman, his other elbow propped on a table. One hand was on the back of the woman’s neck, the other held a spread of cards. Across the table from him, a red-faced man glared at his own cards. Gojyo slurred something at the man, his gaze lingering from the cards to the woman. As Chel started to put two and two together, she approached them, mustering her courage.

“Gojyo, time to go to bed,” she growled, throwing a fierce glare at the woman. She immediately stood up, skirting away from Gojyo’s grasp. He said something unintelligible, then turned to Chel, his expression equally sour. He opened his mouth to protest, but Chel was already hauling him to his feet. She pulled him along up the stairs, then turned down the corridor. She thought for a moment to take him to Sanzo’s room and forget about him, but thought better of it. The boys needed their sleep. She heaved a sigh and opened to door to her room, leading Gojyo into the bathroom.

He mumbled at her frequently, though she really couldn’t decipher anything he said. He slummed to the floor, leaning against the wall while she got a glass of water and a wet rag, which she placed gently on his forehead. She got him to drink a little, and for a while he was quiet. His eyes started to focus more, even if his body was still unwilling to listen. They sat like that for a bit, silently. After he’d drank the water, Chel decided that they were probably okay to get to bed. She hauled him to his feet and walked him to the empty bed, parking him on the edge.

“I didn’t ask for your help,” he growled as Chel untied and pulled off his boots.

“What was I supposed to do?” she asked. She set the boots near the foot of the bed, then got to her feet. Gojyo’s vest and tunic would be much too hot to sleep in, so she knelt on the bed beside him to take them off. She thought about helping him out of his pants, but decided against it.

For a while they were silent. She refilled the water and brought it to him, demanding that he sip at it. He did as he was told, though his brows remained harshly knit together.

“It would have been easier if you had stayed there,” he said, leaning over to set the glass on the floor.

“What would have been easier?”

“Wanting you.” He cut his eyes up at her. They were cold and hard, less like a sunset and more like blood. She felt her breath hitch in her lungs, as if she’d inhaled too much air.

“We’re not doing this right now.” She moved to retreat, but he caught her hand. His grip was surprisingly strong, given his state, but Chel was beginning to think that youkai sobered up much quicker than their human counterparts. She felt a tremble run through her.

“Please,” Gojyo whispered, “Just…maybe this is what I need to get over you.” 

He pulled her toward him and Chel recoiled as if she’d been struck. She whirled, crossing the room, anger flushing her face. As she grabbed the doorknob, Gojyo hollered after her.

“Run to Sanzo, he’ll make everything okay.” The sarcasm was palpable. Chel jerked the door open and slammed it behind her. Her heart pounded in her ears, making her face hot and her hands shaky. She barely slowed down enough to knock on Sanzo’s door. He opened it with a cross expression.

“I didn’t want to saddle you with Mr. Plastered, can I stay the night?”

“You two can’t even sleep in the same room anymore?” he asked, moving aside for her and closing the door gently. His violet eyes followed her closely, critically. He strode toward her with slow, careful steps, as if she were dangerous. She’d forgotten that he was still a little mad at her too.

“He’s unbearable. Said that if I were to sleep with him, he’d be able to get over me.”

Sanzo snorted a laugh.

“We both know that wouldn’t work.”

“Not you too,” she said, frowning at him. He raised his hands in mock defeat, moving to take a seat on his bed. He was watching her with such a strange mix of expressions that she honestly couldn’t figure out what he was feeling. But she had a few good ideas.

“You need to stop running away from him, especially when it involves running to me. It’s not fair to anyone,” Sanzo said finally, letting his face relax a bit. Chel felt the truth of what he said and, though she was loath to admit it, he was right. She had a nasty habit of finding solace in other people, and it had caused a lot of the problems she was now having. She needed to actually talk to people.

“Fair enough,” she said, crossing the room and pulling open the door. “Goodnight.”

She went back down the hallway slowly, taking her damn sweet time to gather her thoughts. Gojyo wanting to “get over her” didn’t sit even remotely right with her, and in fact, it left her feeling entirely too jealous for comfort. But what was the alternative? Being together? She didn’t mind the thought, but Gojyo certainly would. He didn’t do “together”. Maybe back in her original realm, perhaps, but not here. The door arrived too quickly, but she wrenched it open calmly, trying not to betray the storm of thoughts she was having. Gojyo was still seated on his bed, the empty cup held loosely in his grip. As she shut the door behind her, he spoke.

“Turned down?” he asked, mock disappointment laced thickly in his voice. Oh yes, youkai definitely had a higher rate of alcohol metabolism. She’d barely call him drunk that this point. His eyes were clear and sharp, his jaw hard.

“You’re right,” she replied, crossing to sit opposite him on her own bed, pushing her clothes and pack to the floor, “I can’t keep running to Sanzo all the time. But then, you can’t keep being angry all the time.”

“I can be whatever the hell I please,” he growled, putting the cup back on the floor and rising to his feet. He padded softly across the room, his movements almost predatory. Chel felt a hint of unease along her spine, but she didn’t allow it to faze her – this needed to happen. When he reached her, he took her chin in his fingers, moving it from side to side. He was looking at the fading, bruising marks on her skin. Then his eyes dropped, and she cleared her throat. The marks on her neck were one thing, but the others Numeira had left were a whole other.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” he asked finally, taking his hand away from her.

“Doing what?”

“Hurting me. Is it retaliation? Or are you playing a game?”

Chel shook her head.

“Of course not, what are you talking about?”

“Sanzo, the Dragon King, the whole thing when we…” Chel took it back – he was still drunk.

“Okay, we already talked about Sanzo. That’s done, and the whole thing was just…physical. And so what if I wanted to get away from you guys for a night? You’re all angry at me, might as well be with someone who appreciates my company.” She might have been getting a little off track, but Gojyo didn’t interrupt. In fact, he just stood, listening.

“And then you and me?” she continued, “You were there, you tell me. Why did you kiss me?”

At that, to Chel’s surprise, a smirk played on Gojyo’s lips. He ran his hands through his hair and opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and decided to park himself beside her on the bed before starting.

“I really had almost forgotten that we were leaving,” he began, “You were always so patient with me…and you looked at me like…like you saw me. Not many people look at me like that. They see me and they see…a mistake. But you didn’t know, so why would you treat me any different?”

A sombre, fragile air settled around them, making Chel’s heart heavy. Had he really always been treated so badly by others? Or seen as wrong? She began wondering how many women had wanted to be with him purely for the fact that he was a half-breed. How many times had he been used? Sure, he was a womanizer with the best of them, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t being hurt in the process…

He tipped backwards, laying across the bed, his hair tossed around him in a crimson halo. She watched as he stared at the ceiling, searching the wooden beams for explanations. He’d seemed to settle, his eyes growing softer, his body relaxing. Chel was glad – he’d been through a lot in a very short amount of time.

“I don’t know what I thought that night meant,” he said, glancing toward her briefly, “I don’t know if I wanted it to mean anything, really. But we did and…for a little while, I felt…like you cared for me.”  
Chel leaned back alongside him.

“I do,” she replied softly, “Very much so. But I don’t know what to do about it. You and I have very different approaches to these matters.”

“Yeah, what is it with that ‘I can have both’ thing?”

“Well, can’t I? Where are the rules that say you can only love one person at a time? I can love multiple people completely and happily at the same time.” She didn’t expect him to understand, but she didn’t like being questioned about it, especially by Gojyo of all people. She trailed off, shrugging. Gojyo didn’t make a reply, and for a while they stared at the ceiling. 

Gojyo’s voice broke the silence.

“Maybe the problem is that I don’t like Sanzo…”

“That would do it.”

“I don’t see what you must see in him.”

Again she shrugged. She wasn’t really sure what to say. He’d already made it clear that he didn’t want to know anything about her and Sanzo’s relationship. She knew anything she said in his favour would be misconstrued. So she changed the subject.

“Why would you not liking Sanzo be the only problem?”

At that, Gojyo laughed.

“Maybe not the only problem.” His expression shifted, more serious. “I don’t…” He seemed to flounder, searching for the right thing to say. Chel touched his arm gently.

“I know. And I don’t expect anything from you other than what you are. I just…I want us to be friends again. I want us to stop fighting all the time. Like how it used to be, before all this nonsense.”  
He grasped her hand, squeezing it lightly.

“I like that,” he replied, rolling onto his stomach, so that their sides were pressed firmly against each other. “I want that again. But I also…” He looked at her with his melted sunset eyes, a strand of hair brushing gently against his cheek. A smile played on the corner of his lips. “I also wanna kiss you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this is a _self-idulgent piece of garbage_.


End file.
